Day 42: Transition

I've been thinking a lot about my sons lately. I'm not totally sure what brought it on, but I have REALLY been thinking a lot about my sons. My prayer life is consumed by praying for them. My waking hours are spent thinking about them. I'm not troubled. That's not how my thoughts go.

Today I was thinking about who they were as little people, who they were as teenagers, who they were as college students, and who they will be as grown men.

When Zack was little, he was such a sweet, compliant little baby and toddler. He played well, slept well, ate well, never got sick. Then he turned two and became a little terror, so strong-willed, so high maintenance. As an older child, he became incredibly shy, a bit unsure of himself, and incredibly inquisitive. It was almost like he craved input about the life around him. He was a typical teenager in most ways, good ways. Each stage of his life was certainly a transitional stage. And now he is a grown up. And it feels like he is on the edge of the next stage of life. And that makes me wonder. Who will he become? When he was a child, he looked and acted a lot like us. When he grew older, went to college, he still had a lot of our characteristics, but I could see the influence of others as well. And now, as he is on the verge of this next step, I wonder how he will change. What kind of husband will he be? What kind of Dad? I know . . . I'm jumping the gun.

When Jacob was little, he had colic for 5 months. He was kind of frail, didn't eat well, didn't sleep well, spent a lot of time at the doctor. But then he turned two, and he became the happiest, most compliant little toddler. Everything was joy to him. I even recorded his laugh it was so precious. As an older child, he became insanely inquisitive. He even read encyclopedias for fun. He was always a bit shy, but such a great friend to all. Everyone liked Jacob. (I think that's still true). When he grew older, he, too, went to college, and others influenced him. I could still see pieces of us in him, but I saw how others had influenced him as well. And now, here he is, a college graduate, sitting on the edge of adulthood, just about to jump in with both feet. And I wonder the same things for him as I do for Zack.

Maybe all my wondering is normal. My friend, Kim, told me today that our kids look like the kids we raised, and then they go out into the world and the world affects them and changes them, and that's not necessarily a bad thing. They become "them" instead of miniature versions of us. That has to be a good thing.

I think I am also in transition. I, too, am sitting on the edge of a new stage of life.

All that to say, only God knows what the future holds. Thank God.

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