Day 21: Release

I don't know if this happens to anyone else, but God has this thing about waking me up in the middle of the night to pray. I don't know if He is up and bored . . . dumb statement (I think I just humanized Him) but I certainly know I am not up and bored, so I don't understand His timing.

Maybe it is that my brain is too full during the day to hear Him. Maybe it's that I am talking too much to listen. Maybe it's that I am too reliant upon myself and my wisdom, knowledge and experience, that if He did speak during the day, I would say, "It's cool. I got this one."

But seriously, almost every morning, in the wee hours of the morning, before anyone or anything is moving in our house, God awakens me and He pours out Himself to me. He tells me His longings for me. He tells me how I could have made better choices during the day. He asks me to tell Him about my hurts, and my fears. He asks me why I am so unsettled about the smallest things, and shows me how that reveals my distrust in Him.

This morning He awakened me to pray for my husband and my sons. He said, "Carol, tell me what is on your heart. Tell me what is troubling you. Tell me all your fears. I already have a plan, so you don't need to ask me to help you help them. You just need to let me be in control. I already am in control, you know." So I talked to Him. But I listened way more. And the sound of His breath through my lungs was so comforting.

All that to say, seems to always come back to control for me. Releasing control.