Day 18: Pushing My Buttons

It is 9:21 p.m. The fact that I am on the computer at 9:21 p.m. has the potential to spark conflict in my marriage. Mike does not feel special when I leave him alone to watch t.v. while I get on the computer. It does not matter that we are not talking while he watches t.v., he just likes me to be in the room with him. I should feel special about that. I said I "should" . . . which indicates that I don't. Something else to work on.

Truth is, we all have "buttons" that get pushed and we all know the "buttons" that our spouses have, and thus the reason for conflict in our marriages. These are the rest of the thoughts on ways to manage conflict in our marriage. I have grouped them into the "Do Nots" and the "Bes"

First, the "Do Not's."
- Do not give the silent treatment. (it's really immature and makes you look like a baby!)

- Do not walk out of the room, or the house, or go for a drive, or go for a walk. UNLESS you are really angry and think you will say or do something more stupid than what you have already done. If this is the case, verbally excuse yourself (you know, "I need to take a walk for a few minutes and cool off.") But then come back and finish the discussion. And spouses, allow your spouse the freedom to cool off.

- Do not sleep on the couch or in the guest room. (Childish)

- Do not go to bed angry. You will wake up grouchy and sore. (I think that is God's punishment for "letting the sun go down on your anger."

- Do not make a mountain out of a molehill. If it is little, let it stay little.

Now, the Be's
- Be a good listener. Don't talk when someone else is talking, or overtalk them to make your point. If everyone is talking, then no one is listening, and if no one is listening, nothing will get accomplished.

- Be a good forgiver. Say, "I forgive you."

- Be aware of the danger of anger. It will devour your marriage.

- Be the first one to roll to the middle when you go to bed at night. It leads to reconciliation (and a few other fun things!)

All that to say, marriage is not easy. Most valuable things aren't.