Insomnia

When I used to live in Georgia with my husband and he traveled, I couldn't sleep. I would set the house alarm, wait until I was so exhausted that I could not keep my eyes open, then turn on a few lights, double check the locks on the door, and go to bed. I would climb into the middle of the bed (so no one could "get me"), laying perfectly still on my back, listening to every sound the house made. It was miserable.

But when he would come home, I never gave a single thought to the locks on the door, or the lights, or the house alarm. I just comfortably climbed into my bed and went to sleep. Nothing else in my life had changed. My husband was home. That was it.

Then I moved to Texas without my husband. I haven't slept really well in months. I'm not "afraid" anymore, but my body just knows that something isn't quite right.

Today, in my Bible study, I realized that what isn't "quite right" is that I just simply miss the presence of my husband. His very presence makes me feel safe and secure. His presence is so calming that I can go about life with a peaceful spirit.

It was this picture of missing my husband that made me think about what it looks like to be desperate for God. When I know deep down inside that something isn't quite right, I am missing the presence of God. The powerful presence of the Holy Spirit. I dont' know about the theology of that. I'm not trying to be careful about saying whether or not God is "always there." I'm just saying I am aware when I do not sense the presence of God. It is His presence that comforts and calms me. It is not what he can give me, or His answers to my questions, it is His presence.

All that to say, I will wait in the cleft of the mountain for you to pass by Lord.