Inventory

Today I have been thinking about this young girl that I knew growing up. We were little girls when we met. I think I was 9 and she was 8. For most of our lives I envied her. She was fun and boisterous. I was quiet and shy. She had flawless olive skin that tanned beautifully. I had fair skin and freckles that only turned different shades of red. Her parents were wealthy and gave her everything she could have ever wanted. Mine were poor and struggled just to give me what I needed.

We were the best of friends when we were little, but as we grew older, I think we pretended at being friends. I really wanted to be her. She had wavy hair that sprung to life at the slightest hint of humidity. I had bone straight hair that hung lifelessly to the middle of my back. And our bodies matched our hair styles. She was wavy and I was straight. Oh how often I wished my body looked like hers.

When we became teenagers, she developed into a gorgeous swan that all the boys loved. I, however, was slow to develop, in all areas, including a personality. I was painfully, painfully shy. And perhaps the greatest mystery of all, the greatest thing to envy, was that every boy I ever confessed to like ended up her boyfriend. That was hard to take. It happened for years.

Then, when we were in high school, I had a boyfriend. My very first boyfriend. He was tall and cute and popular. Just like she was. But he was mine. It was time for our prom. And I was so excited. I ran into her house one day after school to tell her that I just couldn't wait for the prom. Truthfully, it was finally my chance to rub her nose in the fact that I had the cute boyfriend. But she wasn't there. Her mom met me, looking surprised to see me, and when I asked where she was, her mom said she was "out." When I heard the car in the driveway, I ran outside just in time to see her kissing my boyfriend goodbye.

At that moment, I think maybe I hated them both. I don't know. Why am I writing all of this? Because today I watched the "Last Lecture" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ji5_MqicxSo
and one of the things he talked about was how what you hang onto affects the rest of your life.
I have hung onto that memory for a long time. Far too long.

I married the man of my dreams. We have two fantastic sons and a great life. I really couldn't have asked for more.

All that to say, I think I will take an inventory of what else I've hung onto that I need to let go of.