Day 96: Hearing Things

We just got home from a very, very hard day. A father's day that I just bet Mike will never forget. The last time I saw him cry like he cried today was the night his dad died. Like I said, a very hard day.

When we arrived, I realized (to my chagrin) that we were going to loan the new parents one of our cribs until they could get another one. We had talked about several bed scenarios, so I just totally forgot that I was bringing one. Then we planned to have a fun photo shoot, but it wasn't fun. It was hot and stressful. (Knowing Shauna, I'm sure it will be amazing anyway.) Within minutes after we left, Shauna called to ask if I had left her any diapers. ugh. So we made a detour by Target to buy diapers and a crib. Then "celebrated" Father's day dinner and drove home.

It was a long drive home. A drive filled with many tears, and silence, and tears, and silence.

I'm sitting in the living room tonight, at least what is left of the night, and I swear I heard them crying in their bedroom. It was so real a sound that it caused a lump in my throat.

Even as I type these words, I can feel the tears stinging my eyes, threatening to spill out. I can feel the catch in my throat, and I'm struggling to keep it there, lest it slip out as a sob.

My home is quiet. Strangely quiet. No longer filled with the sounds of babies. And even though I am sure I heard them a moment ago, I know that if I walked upstairs to their room, their beds would be empty. It's those empty beds that make my heart ache.

All that to say, I need to go to bed and cry and mourn the loss I feel in my soul. For tomorrow will bring new mercies. To tomorrow.

1 comment:

  1. sweet jones'....
    i've prayed for you over and over...over and over.
    our girls (as in yours &&& ours) are having a sweet day- they are loving their brother and making their way-
    your love is so apparent- they are such a blessing.
    thank you, for every thing.
    (especially the diapers)


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