Day 95: Tomorrow They Leave Us

I remember the Sunday before we got them, someone asked, "How can you do this? Won't it be hard when they leave?" It will be. And it is.

I wish I could put into words the weight that I feel in my heart. I suppose, short of them having experienced it, there is no way to accurately describe it to someone else. I have lost a child. It doesn't feel like that. I have lost a family member. It doesn't feel like that. But it does feel like grief. Like a piece of my heart is being excised, a tiny little bit at a time.

I wonder if they will think we gave them away because we didn't love them enough. I wonder if they will miss our routines and the sounds of our family rhythm. I wonder if they will feel loneliness? I hope the answer to all of that is no. I want them to be so enthralled with this new place, this new home that God has placed them in that we don't cross their minds. At least not in a way that causes sadness.

I know I am not making sense. I don't make sense to myself right now.

All that to say, tomorrow they leave us. And my heart is sad.

1 comment:

  1. I can only remind you that we are so sad with you. :( There is no way to imagine how hard it is to have them leave, yet you must remind yourself that it has all been worth every minute! Every minute that you held them, every minute they were not hungry, every minute they felt safe, every minute they laughed and expressed joy. You gave them so many invaluable moments. Bless your heart Carol, I cry with you. Leigh


Thank you for reading. I look forward to hearing from you.