Day 93: I Was a Good Mama Today

Last night, without much notice, I decided to take the girls to visit their birth mom so we wouldn't have to do a big family visitation on the same day that the girls were going to move in with their new family. Seemed like a lot in one day. Visitation (always stressful for them) a two hour car ride to their new house, in a new car, with new parents. Arriving at their new home late at night, to sleep in a new bed, in a new room. Just too much.

So off we went to visitation. She was an hour late. Not unusual. But she does utilize public transportation, so I can't really fault her too much.

The thing about these birth moms is that you can't help but fall in love with them too. They become part of the package. And the same beauty that was buried deep inside her children is buried deep inside her, waiting to be called forth. I want her to know it's there too. She needs rescuing too. She just doesn't know it yet.

Last night, for the first time, she crawled into the children's gated area and played with her babies for over an hour. Usually she responds to their presence, but then spends most of her time visiting with us. She needs us to approve her, to like her, to love her.

I was proud of her last night. It was a baby step. But she really played with and loved on her babies. As their time together ended, she helped me carry the kids back to the car. After we loaded them in the car, she looked at me and said, "I was a good mama today, wasn't I?" She was. For one hour, she was. And it made me cry that she needed that affirmation.

I pray each day that God would gently reveal to her the responsibility she bears for the condition her kids were in. I felt like that question was also starting the process of her saying, "I haven't been a good mama, have I?"

All that to say, we only have three more days as the parents of these children. But I pray that God will continue to give us opportunity to love on their birth mom. (We know we still get to love on our babies . . . cause we know where they'll be living!)