Day 55: Judge Me, Go Ahead

You may or may not have noticed that I am white.  Very white.  In fact, I once had an intern (Brittany Callender) who told me that I was "ivory bisque", which I am guessing is pretty white.

And you also may or may not have noticed that my daughters are most decidedly the opposite of ivory bisque!

I don't know if you know this or not, but there is a lot of pressure that comes with being a white mama of sweet brown babies.  There is.  And the greatest source of this pressure comes in the hair department.  People judge you.  They do.  And I have had plenty of friends (both white and black) tell me that the last thing I wanted was for people to be able to look at my daughter's hair and IMMEDIATELY know that their mama was white.

Like I said.  Presh-sure.

When I first got the girls, this whole hair thing was astronomically hard because their hair was badly damaged from neglect, so I had to first figure out how to get their hair healthy, and THEN figure out how to make it cute.

Well, I ain't proud, so I just marched myself to Walmart, stood on the ethnic hair aisle, and waited for the first kind looking older black lady to come down the aisle (not kidding) and begged her to help me.

I watched as she pulled and tugged on the girls' hair, clucking her tongue all the while in complete disappointment over the condition of their hair (I felt quickly obligated to tell her they came to me that way!)  But she schooled me and sent me on my way with all kinds of information and grease and oil and lotion and more!

Well here I am, two and half years down the road from that day, and while I wouldn't say that I have figured it out, I have definitely figured out a few things.  I mix my own detangler, I can work up 16 puff balls (that's a hair style for all my white friends) in no time, and I even know how to  do some simple twists.

And one of the SMARTEST things I have EVER done is take them to the Paul Mitchell School today and had THIS done!  OMGOSH, could they be any cuter!  (Don't judge my photo skills.  We were on a trolley and it was moving!)


 All that to say, best money I ever spent.  And I dare someone to judge this white mama today! HA!


  1. HA! Carol, you are doing fine! I was just telling someone the other day how cute your girls' hair is! But the braids are sweet too!

  2. They are so adorable, Carol! Great job!! ~Becky J.

  3. I think you are a fantastic mom to those precious girls and I heartily applaud your ingenuity.

  4. There was an episode of Greys Anatomy where Derek learned about what it takes to do a black girl's hair. You aren't alone!

  5. Catherine, I saw that! It's where I learned that the back of their hair is called their "kitchen!"

  6. Catherine, this blog post is so cute. Your girls are precious, I have no doubt their "kitchens" will be well decorated. Your friend, Lu, told me about your blog, keep up the good work!

  7. Thanks Gayla! Thanks for checking in, and thanks for following me (if you haven't already done that!)

  8. O my gosh.... there should be a class for us white mommas to learn what to do with our brown babies' hair!! I have stood in the "ethnic" aisle also and waited for some black lady to take pity on me and suggest something. but inevitably, the next person I ask will say "that stuff is no good.... use such and such" and so we use plain old light olive oil from the store on their heads and vaseline on their bodies. (they also have bad excema which they have another cream for.


Thank you for reading. I look forward to hearing from you.