I have a confession. I have not read my Bible in 4 days. And when I have tried to sit and "converse" with God, I have found my mind wondering. I don't have a long to do list that is distracting me. If anything, I have had some wonderfully stress free days this past week or so.
Now, perhaps it is not shocking to some of you that I have gone 4 days without reading my Bible. I know that's not the end of the world. But I have also gone many more days than that without journaling. And that should be shocking to any who read this blog, because you know a.) that I love to write and b.) I process my thoughts by writing.
And yet, as disconnected from God as I should feel, I don't know that I have ever felt more connected. What is this new thing He is teaching me?
I have this deep sense of fulfillment. And when I do have my "time alone" with Him, I have nothing to say to Him, and yet, again, I feel this incredible connection to Him. I could say that maybe since I am not running off at the mouth, that He's getting a word in finally. But that's not it either. Because He's not saying anything to me. We are just together. In silence. And it's rich. And it's wonderful. And it's fulfilling.
All that to say, maybe silence really is golden. When He said, "Be still and know that I AM God," He really meant, be still. Not reading. Not writing. Not talking. Not even listening. Just being still.
I think we tend to think we have to DO something to be communing with god (especially in America) it helps rationalize everything for us! My doing days are over! That is what got me into such a mess! There are still things I want to do as I am re-experiencing faith but they are happening effortlessly as a process vs a todo list! That is different for me! Sounds like a paradox...doing with out doing anything but that's what it feels like! Thanks for the reminder!
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