Some days, I really suck as a parent. I mean, I really suck as a parent.
I lose my temper.
I have adult-sized expectations of my toddlers.
I repeat myself because I am angry, and it fuels my anger to say the same thing over and over and over.
I don't want to hear one more whiney voice tell me why they want apple juice instead of water.
I don't want it to be bath time or bed time or story time or time to brush your teeth or any other "times" other than "Can Mama just please have a hot bath and glass of wine time?"
I confess it. Some days, I want parenting to be easy.
I don't want to have to hold my breath as I open the take home folder to see if my special needs child hit the teacher or scratched a friend or had a meltdown because someone accidentally got blueberries on their favorite shirt.
I don't want to have to think about atrocities like child abuse and neglect and a lifetime of mental rewiring that will be in our future.
I don't want to argue with Social Security about why our children need new identities or explain to the hospital where MY CHILDREN were born as to why I need their medical records and why I have the right to have them.
But most days aren't those days. Most days are filled with barbies and cars and mud and flowers and chasing mosquito hawks through thick grass.
Most days are tiny little feet running into my bedroom and crawling into bed for a few stolen moments of snuggling before the day beckons.
Most days are reminders that God's healing power is at work and that our lives together are not a bleak future but a blessing.
All that to say, most days, most days are good days.
Carol, I truly understand where you are coming from.
ReplyDeleteI struggle sometimes when I think that Dewey and I were going to be able to start our lives as a Married couple finally after all we had been thorough.
But turns out we were chosen to take another in our home. Sometimes I wonder why us! Our baby is 23 years old and as of November 17th we became parents to an Eleven year old.
So yes I am struggling with the thought wy us.
But I look back and think she did not ask for this and she did not deserve to have been abandoned by Family when she has so much.
But yes I question everyday if I can really do this all over again and I question, do I have the patients to deal with a teenager all over again.
But then I see her and think of everything this innocent little girl has been through and it makes me except everything that we were dealt. And when I look at it that way I think all over again,
This was all worth it and say Dewey and I are going to be great PARENTS! All over again.
And it will get harder I know when she becomes a Teen but we are ready for anything that comes our way. Because she is well worth it.
Have a great day :)
It's not ever a "why us?" that I feel, though I certainly understand what you're saying Cecie. Somedays it is just overwhelming - the scope of all of it - and yeah, I guess probably a bit of "We were empty nesters!"
ReplyDeleteI don't ever regret being their mama, and I know you don't either. It's just somedays, I wish it was easier. :)
This makes me feel way better, I am not the only one who has moments when I think I cannot get through the day and I just want to run and hide in a closet. But then the very next moment my daughter does something so cute or funny and my son looks at me with the biggest smile and the look of happiness. then its all worth it and the things that make me crazy seem so little. I AM NOT ALONE! ;) great blog!
ReplyDelete