Day 71: The Wondering Place

I remember learning to ride a bike because I was NINE YEARS OLD before I learned, which, by the way, was the same year I learned how to tie my shoes.  I really don't know why I was so old before I learned either of these milestones of childhood, but I think my memory is so vivid BECAUSE I was so old.

I didn't start off with training wheels.  I didn't get a push down the street from my daddy.  I just got on, fell off, got on, fell off, pedaled a few feet, fell off, etc., until eventually I was rolling down the street.

I remember how incredibly uncertain I felt, and even wondered if learning was even necessary.  But somehow, I knew it was.  I knew I had to conquer my fear of that bike or I would forever be stuck in fear, of everything.  Somehow, my fear of the world was wrapped up in that bike, and I had to ride.  The universe demanded it.  So I did it.

Despite the fear.  Despite the pain.  I rode.

And that's how I feel today.

I have worked full-time in a church or church related field for the last 17 years of my life, and part time for the last 25. 

And the thought of doing anything else is crippling at times.

People tell me my skills are transferable.  Someone even said to me, "Carol, you should consider working outside the church.  You could make some company a LOT of money."

Multiple people have said I should write full time.

But each morning, I wake up with a great big giant question mark over my head.  And I wonder, "God, what do you have for me now?"

I'm not writing this to say I have an answer.  I don't. 

But I know I can't stay here long, in this wondering place.  I've got to get on the bike and ride.  The universe demands it.  (Maybe that's an overstatement.) 

All that to say,  I know the Lord will speak to me in His time.  And maybe He'll tell me to write, or to work in a church, or to do something else I've never done before.  I just have to resist the urge to jump on my bike and careen down a hill!