Day 8: V is for Visitation

Visitation days are hard. We don't ever talk about them in advance because we never know when our scheduled time together is going to fall through. Sometimes it does.

And we never know exactly who is going to be present, so we don't ever say, "We're going to see _________ (fill in the blank)" because it could be just bmama (birthmom) or her boyfriend, or their auntie or cousin, and most recently their brother.

And visitation days are especially hard AFTER the fact. I don't exactly know why. Neither does their therapist. He said he thinks it's because they are able to anticipate change now and that they might be unsure if they are leaving us forever, so the tension of the day erupts when we get home and they feel safe again. I guess that makes sense.

They have been with us for 7 of their 29 months of life. They were with another family for 1month of that 29 (in between our 7 months). They were back home for 2 of the months in between our 7. They have had 7 residences (that we are aware of) in the last year alone. SEVEN! If these poor babies know anything, it's change.

We had a beautiful day. And a sweet visit. Most visitations are like that. Which makes the meltdowns all the more confusing.

They got to see their brother today. They've only seen him twice since they left their shared residence 4 months ago. They were so sweet when they saw him. They kept saying, "brother, brother." He wasn't as happy to see them, but I imagine for him, they just represented a level of change and stress he wasn't prepared to deal with.

All that to say, if you have been a part of this process for a while and have any wisdom, feel free to share. You can email directly or comment here.

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