Don't Like My Butt and I Cannot Lie

If you didn't guess by the title, this is going to be a blog of self-loathing, sort of. I really have never been one to self-loathe. I've never been one to stand in the mirror and lament the shape of my nose, or wish that I had thicker eyelashes. I've never chosen clothing based on what would make my butt look smaller (which is obvious based on some home videos I have watched!) I haven't avoided sleeveless shirts so that no one would notice my wingflaps. I just haven't done it.

Now trust me, I have had more than my share of "fat days." But all in all, I'd say I've always had a fairly good body image.

I'd love to say it is because I have a tremendous sense of self-confidence, but if you know me at all, you know THAT isn't true. I tend to over compensate for my lack of self-confidence with extreme over achieving, so I have my issues.

But for the past few days, I have really just not liked myself. I am miserable when I get dressed in the morning. If I didn't have someplace to go, I would probably just stay in my pajamas. The prospect of getting dressing is somewhat emotionally challenging. I went clothes shopping yesterday, to add to my torture, and nothing looked good. NOTHING. What's totally weird is that I have lost 10 pounds recently, so things should be looser, right?

On top of that, I hate looking in the mirror. Everything seems droopier. My hair, my eyelids, my lips, my bobbly bits (okay, they've been droopier for a long time!). Just in general I'm droopy. Even my personality is droopy. I do not like this poor body image thing at all. How do people live like this all the time?

All that to say, I need someone to play the part of Cher, slap me, and say, "Snap out of it." Or, I need someone to tell clothes designers to remember that some of us are women. :)