Day 58: Half

Today I am freaking FIFTY years old. FIFTY! That's a half a century! You'd think I'd feel older. In my head, I'm like 32. (I used to be in my twenties in my head, so I guess I really am aging!) But, I'm actually neither in my twenties, nor am I 32. I am Fifty. The big 5-0. Halfway to a hundred. Heck, I practically have one foot in the grave.

So why in the world don't I feel that old?

I've always wanted to be someone who was "timeless." (notice I didn't say ageless? I'm not blind! I can see in the mirror!)

Anyway, Timeless. You know. Someone who seemed to progress with the times, and not be passed by it.

I mean, I blog. I'm on facebook. I wear TOMS.

I know NOT to say "bomb diggity."

I have good good friends in their twenties, thirties, fourties, fifties, sixties, seventies.

I'm timeless. Right?

I think the only real brush with the reality of my age came two days ago when I was shopping, and I realized I simply could not wear all those cute tops that are gathered, cinched or banded at the bottom, but instead I found myself relegated to the old lady sweater department. I felt old then. And I felt a little old when the Walmart Guy asked me if the pool I was buying was for my grandkids. I felt old then.

But, I guess I'm okay with being 50. As a general rule, I like myself. I wish I had a healthier body, but I don't want one so badly that I'm willing to forego cake in order to have it. And I'm okay with my wrinkles because I've earned them. And they show that I've lived life. And I'm okay with not being okay about gray hair. I do wish I could see better though. That is SERIOUSLY frustrating me!

I know that I love Jesus more than I ever have.

I know that I have a great marriage. Not a perfect one. But a great one.

I know that I have parented well and that I love my kids. I haven't parented perfectly, but I have loved my kids perfectly. :) Just ask them.

I know that I could change many things about my life, but the things I would change would also change where I am in my life right now, and I wouldn't change that.

And I know that I have NO FREAKING IDEA what tomorrow holds. But today, today better hold some awesome presents and an Italian Cream cake or someone is going to be in big trouble! HA!

All that to say, Happy Birthday to me, old lady.

1 comment:

  1. OLD? Girl, who you calling Old? Happy Belated Super Blessed Birthday! Even for me, "fifty" was the "f" word that I would not speak. For years. (And "forty" too!) So, I am glad to see you embrace this continued journey into MORE of life-with-wisdom. It took me a while ... still, even now, I sometimes have to shake off "older" and put on the "smarter, more sure, calmer about life" attitude. And what's up with the clothes? We still like cute stuff too. Wiser cute stuff. Maybe there's a REAL business niche here somewhere.... Happy Birthday Carol! I love you, we love you! Have your cake all weekend and enjoy eating it too! (I now celebrate the whole month. Why not?) You are a treasure!


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