Day 20: Why Bother?

I have been at a conference all week. It's been good for my soul, though I miss my family terribly.

Before coming to the conference, God and I have been having some pretty heavy conversations about my heart condition. (not the, "quit eating artery-clogging foods" conversation, but the "your heart is not pure," conversation).

I have come to the realization that I have doubted God. I have doubted His listening skills. I have doubted His willingness to help me, to rescue me, to give me a break.

Oh how often have I said to Him in my best Meredith Grey voice "seriously?"

And though I have continued to pray, I don't know that I honestly thought it would do me any good at all.

And then yesterday I heard a message. A message based on a story in the Bible that I have heard so many times before. A message from Mark 5, the story of Jairus' daughter. In the story, Jesus is on his way to help a sick girl when he pauses to heal someone else. While he is healing the other person, Jairus receives word that his daughter is dead. And his "friends" say to him, "Why bother the teacher now? Your daughter is dead."

And Jesus says to him, "Don't be afraid. Just believe."

How many times have I said to God lately, "I don't know why I'm even bothering you with this because the situation is hopeless."

But the Pastor who was teaching this said, " Who are you to say that something is dead that God has said is possible?"

Who am I indeed?

The enemy would have me believe that it is pointless to pray, trust, and believe. Ashamedly, I have found it easier to believe in the death that satan offers than the hope that Christ assures me of.

WHO AM I TO SAY THAT SOMETHING IS DEAD THAT GOD HAS TOLD ME IS POSSIBLE?

All that to say, "Don't be afraid. Just believe."