Day 18: Full of It

I realized last night and on into the early hours of this morning, that I can pray for peace to fill my heart all day long and it's not going to happen. It isn't.

Contrary to what people have said to me about praying for my heart to be filled with peace, that peace isn't going to come. It simply isn't.

And here's why.

My heart is too filled with fear and anxiety and worry.

It has a pretty decent space carved out and filled with anger and bitterness.

There's a small section filled with self-loathing.

Then there is the section locked down and scarred over with past hurts and deep wounds.

So you see, you simply can't fill something that is already filled.

All that to say, I'm full of it alright. Just not what I want to be full of. And I know that God is waiting to fill my heart with a peace that passes understanding. But He's also waiting for me to rid it of all the other things taking up space.