I have had this conversation with several friends in the last few days. These happen to be friends who have lost a baby during their pregnancy, what doctors call a miscarriage. One of them said to me, "I just really wanted to be a mother." To which I replied, "You are a mother."
To me, motherhood begins from the moment you hear the doctor say, "You're pregnant." Or, in today's modern world, it begins when you read the stick and it says, "Pregnant." From the second that you discover there is a life growing inside of you, your entire life changes. This is true whether or not you want the pregnancy. But for those who want the pregnancy, the change is astounding. From that second, you are different, and you will never be the same. I know this from personal experience, because I lost a baby at 16 weeks. (That's only 7 weeks less than Kyle was when he was born). I know many of you will make the argument about when "life" begins and when is the baby a "baby" but I promise you, because I have lived through it, the baby is a baby from the moment you find out you are pregnant (my personal belief is that it is a baby at conception), but in your heart, it is a baby from the moment you find out you are expecting.
Anyway, I felt the need to blog about this because I want to say to all those mothers who have suffered loss while their baby was still in utero, you are a mother. You never got a chance to be a parent, but you are most assuredly a mother.
All that to say, allow yourselves to grieve. Any mother would. There's no right or wrong way to grieve. There's no need to feel silly or feel the need to "get over it."
You are such a precious friend and mentor to all who know you. This was the sweetest blog. You know it is hard when our bodies miscarry a baby and unless others have gone thru it they do not understand. :)
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