Day 120: I Feel

The girls are back in our home. Why they are here I cannot say for privacy reasons, but they are here and I feel so many emotions.

I feel comfort. Comfort from the toys once again strewn all over our home. Comfort from the squeals of delight as they run through it. Comfort from the sound of baby "n" banging her head as she falls asleep. Comfort from their unexpected need to be held and comforted too.

I feel sadness. Sadness from the life they live. Sadness from the confusion they must feel over all this. Sadness that they call everyone in life "mama." Everyone. Male, female. They have called us Mimi and Pops since they started speaking, but now they call us mama too.

I feel frustration. Frustration from a system that lets this keep happening to them. Frustration that their birth mom cannot escape the cycle, or won't.

I feel anger. Anger from things I cannot speak of in this forum.

And I feel joy. Joy that I love a God who has this all in the palm of His hand. And satisfaction from knowing that He has seen the finished picture of all of this, and it is made beautiful by Him.

All that to say, I feel thankful that for now, they are sleeping peacefully in their beds.