These Two Things

I awakened this morning about 5:00 a.m. I know it was 5:00 a.m. on the nose because I rolled over and looked at the clock. "Ugh. Why am I awake?" I asked myself. I didn't have to go to the bathroom, so that wasn't it. I laid perfectly still for a few minutes, seeing if that would help me go back to sleep. But my mind was racing. Racing around all the things that were troubling me. Individually, I spoke of them to God. But there was no peace in that either. So I got up.

I made some coffee and a piece of toast and went and sat in my comfy chair. It's the place God and I meet each day (well, each day that I choose to meet Him there). But today, I think He summoned me there. That's how I felt . . . compelled to rise early, compelled to sit, compelled to listen.

So I sat. And I listened. And once again, as I have done so often in the past few weeks, nay months, I said, "Why, God? Why do you seem so far away, Lord? Why do you hide from me?" And then I opened my Bible to Psalm 10. And it says, "Why do you stand afar off, O Lord? Why do you hide Yourself in times of trouble?"

. . . compelled to sit, compelled to listen.

And here was His answer to me. "Carol, I ask two things of you. Only two. Surrender and be Holy." Surrender and Holiness.

These two things You seek Lord. Surrender and Holiness.

Surrender my will to yours. Giving up control to you. Joyfully surrendering my heart's desires for the things you desire. Surrendering my dreams to yours; my plans for your plans. And recognizing as it says in Psalm 16:2, "You are my Lord; and I have no good besides You."

And Holiness. "Oh Lord, who may abide in your tent? Who may dwell on your holy hill? He who walks with integrity, and works righteousness and speaks truth in his heart." Psalm 15:1. That doesn't sound so hard. But am I holy Lord when I judge someone walking down the street? When I tell those little lies that won't hurt anyone? When my mouth and the words that pour forth from it are hideous? Am I holy when I doubt You and lose respect for You because You will not give me what I seek? Am I holy when I cannot sit in your presence because the list of things I want or need to do is more important to me than what you might have to say?

All that to say, there are these two things that seem elusive. Surrender and Holiness. But alas, I have their names now.