I attended a Leadership Retreat in Colorado a few months back and at this retreat, I was introduced to the concept of "Be Here Now." While it sounds like poor grammar, the practice of "Be Here Now" is really easily explained, though difficult to live out.
Basically, the premise is that wherever you are, that is where all of you should be. Not just your physical presence, but your mind, thoughts, attention, concern, etc. All of you should be present in that moment.
Here is an example. You enter a meeting. You are having a deep and meaningful conversation and your cell phone rings. Do you answer it? Do you look at the phone to see who it is? Do you choose not to answer it or even look at it? No matter what you do, you are now thinking about who was calling, whom it might have been, what they might have wanted, and you are no longer present in the moment . . . no longer fully present with the person you were with before. You are no longer practicing"Be Here Now." In order to practice "Be Here Now" in this setting, before entering a meeting, you should turn off your cell phone. It will be the only way you can truly "Be Here Now" for the entire meeting.
Not so hard, right?
In my life, where I fall short is with my husband. I can sit in a room with him, or a car, or a restaurant, and though my eyes might be looking at him, though my ears may be taking in what he is saying (at least the auditory process of it) I am not actively there. I am not fully present. And what's funny about that is that when he does that to me, it makes me CRAZY! So, sometimes I have to actively say to myself, "Be Here Now, Carol."
I listened to a message today by a guy named Rob Bell. Many of you know who he is. But the message series, "Mastering the Art of Living" starts off with a message that should have been entitled "Be Here Now." It's dang long, 48 minutes, which is a typical length for a Rob Bell message, but it is so good. So worth your 48 minutes. It was such a great reminder for me to remember that the abundant life that Jesus told me I could have comes with a caveat . . . rest. And not just that whole day of Sabbath thing, which is certainly a part of "Be Here Now." But the idea that today is today and I am not promised tomorrow.
Be Here Now. Live in this moment because it is the moment given to me. Breathe it. Inhale it. Enjoy it. This moment. With this person. This friend. This carved out piece of time alone. This good book. This time with family. This moment. Now. Be Here in this moment. And truly Live. Not thinking about tomorrow and what might happen. Or even yesterday and what went wrong. But just Be . . . just Be Here. . . just Be Here Now.
All that to say, I have not been living the abundant life because I have been living a life focused on tomorrow. And tomorrow has enough trouble of its own. Today, oh sweet Today. You and I, Today, are about to become great good friends.
Day 118: She Was the Real Deal
I wish I had a picture, because you know, most often a picture speaks a thousand words. But you will have to settle for my thousand words.
But I do wish I had a picture of her to share with you. She was the most incredible woman. She lived 96 long years, widowed at the age of 55, the mother of 5 children, and grandmother to countless numbers (there probably is a number, but I don't know it, so I just said countless. Not because I need to make her sound more special, but just because I don't actually know. But it was a lot. Her kids were PROlific).
The thing I loved about Annie Dee was how much she loved. She loved life. She loved her family. She loved her kids. She loved her grandkids. She loved my kids. She loved to bake (oh and man could she make a pecan pie. It's world famous. I have her recipe).
But most of all. She loved Jesus.
Before she died she'd had multiple heart attacks, multiple strokes, lost the use of one side of her body which made it almost impossible to understand her speech.
I have a million stories I could tell you about her, and I probably will in some future posts. I might even dig up some pictures.
But I wanted to tell you about the last time I saw her before she died. She was lying in the hospital bed that was in her bedroom at home. Above her head was a plaque that read, "There's only one life and it will soon pass, then only what's done for Christ will last."
She said to me in her very broken speech. "I don't know why the Lord won't just take me home. But I guess my work here isn't done. Michael has a brain tumor you know (her grandson) and if I don't pray for him, I don't know who will. So that's why the Lord's keeping me here. To pray him well. Once he's well, I'm going home. Home."
It wasn't but a few weeks later that I learned that Michael had indeed been healed. And Annie Dee went home where she had longed to go for so many years.
The other day on facebook one of my cousins (Michael's brother) wrote on my wall, "Cuz, you are so much like Annie Dee. You have her heart." I can say in all honesty that is absolutely the most incredible thing ANYONE has ever said to me.
All that to say, if I could be like anyone in the world, it would be her. She was the real deal.
But I do wish I had a picture of her to share with you. She was the most incredible woman. She lived 96 long years, widowed at the age of 55, the mother of 5 children, and grandmother to countless numbers (there probably is a number, but I don't know it, so I just said countless. Not because I need to make her sound more special, but just because I don't actually know. But it was a lot. Her kids were PROlific).
The thing I loved about Annie Dee was how much she loved. She loved life. She loved her family. She loved her kids. She loved her grandkids. She loved my kids. She loved to bake (oh and man could she make a pecan pie. It's world famous. I have her recipe).
But most of all. She loved Jesus.
Before she died she'd had multiple heart attacks, multiple strokes, lost the use of one side of her body which made it almost impossible to understand her speech.
I have a million stories I could tell you about her, and I probably will in some future posts. I might even dig up some pictures.
But I wanted to tell you about the last time I saw her before she died. She was lying in the hospital bed that was in her bedroom at home. Above her head was a plaque that read, "There's only one life and it will soon pass, then only what's done for Christ will last."
She said to me in her very broken speech. "I don't know why the Lord won't just take me home. But I guess my work here isn't done. Michael has a brain tumor you know (her grandson) and if I don't pray for him, I don't know who will. So that's why the Lord's keeping me here. To pray him well. Once he's well, I'm going home. Home."
It wasn't but a few weeks later that I learned that Michael had indeed been healed. And Annie Dee went home where she had longed to go for so many years.
The other day on facebook one of my cousins (Michael's brother) wrote on my wall, "Cuz, you are so much like Annie Dee. You have her heart." I can say in all honesty that is absolutely the most incredible thing ANYONE has ever said to me.
All that to say, if I could be like anyone in the world, it would be her. She was the real deal.
Day 117: I Own? That.
I moved today. It's my 5th residence in less than 3 years. I'm pretty good at it now.
Today, I reacquainted myself with my stuff. I haven't seen my stuff in over a year. I haven't lived with my stuff in 3 years.
I had fun today. Especially when my friend Kim was there. Kim has a way of celebrating life that makes me wish I was more like her. Each piece of furniture that got unwrapped she oohed and aaahed over. Each piece of furniture had to tell its story, its life history, where it came from, who owned it first, how long we'd had it. And Kim hung on every word. It's good to have friends like Kim. She makes life good.
I cannot tell you how many times the movers would be bringing something off the truck and I would say, "I OWN? that?" And Kim would laugh. And I would laugh.
Tomorrow we will delve into the boxes that are completely overflowing our garage. Who knows what surprises will be in there?
I'll let you know tomorrow.
All that to say, when you have so much stuff that you don't even know what you own, you have too much stuff. I feel a garage sale coming!
Today, I reacquainted myself with my stuff. I haven't seen my stuff in over a year. I haven't lived with my stuff in 3 years.
I had fun today. Especially when my friend Kim was there. Kim has a way of celebrating life that makes me wish I was more like her. Each piece of furniture that got unwrapped she oohed and aaahed over. Each piece of furniture had to tell its story, its life history, where it came from, who owned it first, how long we'd had it. And Kim hung on every word. It's good to have friends like Kim. She makes life good.
I cannot tell you how many times the movers would be bringing something off the truck and I would say, "I OWN? that?" And Kim would laugh. And I would laugh.
Tomorrow we will delve into the boxes that are completely overflowing our garage. Who knows what surprises will be in there?
I'll let you know tomorrow.
All that to say, when you have so much stuff that you don't even know what you own, you have too much stuff. I feel a garage sale coming!
Day 116: Fruitful
Blessed is the man who does not walk in the council of the wicked, or stand in the path of sinners, or sit in the seat of mockers, but his delight is in the Law of the Lord. He meditates on it day and night.
He will be like a tree firmly planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season, and it's leaf does not wither. Psalm 1:1-3
A tree planted by streams of water has to have incredibly deep roots, because the soil near that water has a great potential to shift and erode. But the soil there is often incredibly rich with nutrients as well. So it's a trade off. A tree with shallow roots, or thin roots will not last near a stream of water. Although it is getting plenty of water and nutrients, it's wimpy roots will be its demise.
I prayed this morning and asked God, "What do my roots look like God? Are they deep enough to sustain me? How do I know if my tree is deeply rooted or not?
I reread that paragraph about trees planted near streams of water. Because the tree in this passage sounds incredibly healthy. What happens to the tree planted near the water?
"It yields its fruit in season"
This would indicate there are seasons. So, I researched the seasons of fruiting trees and here's what I discovered.
Trees have four distinct seasons 1. dormancy (rest) 2. bloom 3. bear fruit 4. shed fruit (harvest) LATHER, RINSE, REPEAT
Trees that follow these seasons develop deep, thick root systems.
So, if I am to draw wisdom from a passage which tells me the righteous man is like a tree planted near streams of water, I will bear fruit in season.
Light bulb moment.
I don't bear fruit in season. I go for constant fruit bearing. I want to be a megafruit producer. I want to produce enough fruit for the entire starving planet of 7 billion people. I don't need rest. I'll just skip over dormancy. No real purpose in that.
Seriously, that's how I live my life.
I decided to read some about trees that overproduce fruit. Here is what happens to them.
Eventually their roots cannot sustain the demand. They cannot provide enough nutrients to the tree and the roots become unstable. They cannot draw up enough water and nutrients from the soil and they become shallow, seeking extra nutrients from the sun. When the trees begins to become unhealthy, the leaves turn a funny color, almost muted and either brittle or waxy (depending on the kind of tree). The first sign of unhealth is seen in the leaves.
He will be like a tree firmly planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season, and it's leaf does not wither. Psalm 1:3
Here's the other thing that happens to a tree that isn't allowed to lie fallow (to be dormant, to rest) it produces so much fruit that the trunk cannot sustain the weight of it and it splits in half, which kills the tree.
What am I learning from this? Clearly, I cannot keep up at this pace or my roots will become shallow and my leaves will indeed wither. And eventually I will split in half.
All that to say, I want to bear fruit, but just not constantly. I'm not called to do it. I'm called to live a balanced and fruitful life.
He will be like a tree firmly planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season, and it's leaf does not wither. Psalm 1:1-3
A tree planted by streams of water has to have incredibly deep roots, because the soil near that water has a great potential to shift and erode. But the soil there is often incredibly rich with nutrients as well. So it's a trade off. A tree with shallow roots, or thin roots will not last near a stream of water. Although it is getting plenty of water and nutrients, it's wimpy roots will be its demise.
I prayed this morning and asked God, "What do my roots look like God? Are they deep enough to sustain me? How do I know if my tree is deeply rooted or not?
I reread that paragraph about trees planted near streams of water. Because the tree in this passage sounds incredibly healthy. What happens to the tree planted near the water?
"It yields its fruit in season"
This would indicate there are seasons. So, I researched the seasons of fruiting trees and here's what I discovered.
Trees have four distinct seasons 1. dormancy (rest) 2. bloom 3. bear fruit 4. shed fruit (harvest) LATHER, RINSE, REPEAT
Trees that follow these seasons develop deep, thick root systems.
So, if I am to draw wisdom from a passage which tells me the righteous man is like a tree planted near streams of water, I will bear fruit in season.
Light bulb moment.
I don't bear fruit in season. I go for constant fruit bearing. I want to be a megafruit producer. I want to produce enough fruit for the entire starving planet of 7 billion people. I don't need rest. I'll just skip over dormancy. No real purpose in that.
Seriously, that's how I live my life.
I decided to read some about trees that overproduce fruit. Here is what happens to them.
Eventually their roots cannot sustain the demand. They cannot provide enough nutrients to the tree and the roots become unstable. They cannot draw up enough water and nutrients from the soil and they become shallow, seeking extra nutrients from the sun. When the trees begins to become unhealthy, the leaves turn a funny color, almost muted and either brittle or waxy (depending on the kind of tree). The first sign of unhealth is seen in the leaves.
He will be like a tree firmly planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season, and it's leaf does not wither. Psalm 1:3
Here's the other thing that happens to a tree that isn't allowed to lie fallow (to be dormant, to rest) it produces so much fruit that the trunk cannot sustain the weight of it and it splits in half, which kills the tree.
What am I learning from this? Clearly, I cannot keep up at this pace or my roots will become shallow and my leaves will indeed wither. And eventually I will split in half.
All that to say, I want to bear fruit, but just not constantly. I'm not called to do it. I'm called to live a balanced and fruitful life.
Day 115: Analyze This
I used to dream about people chasing me. They were always horrible dreams that ended up with me cowering down in an alley and trying to scream a death scream but nothing would come out but a guttural groan. I don't have those dreams anymore. They stopped when I started learning how to run. Weird, huh?
But, now I dream about running in races.
Last night I dreamed that I was running in the Houston Marathon and I realized right before the race that I still needed to change into my running shoes. When I reached into my bag to get them, I pulled out a pair of "dress up" tennis shoes, the kind designed to look cute but have no other real purpose.
I told my friend Kim what had happened and she said "the group" would wait to start the marathon while I ran into the mall adjacent to the starting line to get a new pair of shoes. When I ran into the mall, there were weird t-shirt shops, coffee bars and kids' play places (you know, like those giant play structures in the middle of malls these days) but not a single athletic shoe-selling store in the place.
Frantic, I jumped off the top of the mall with my parachute and flew home (true story) only to find that someone had moved into my home. It was my realtor and her kids, which prompted me to remember that we had moved. But I was very concerned that my realtor and her kids had moved into my home and they were living out of cardboard boxes they had staged as furniture.
Still in a panic about my shoes, I called my husband to see if he could come and get me and take me to get my shoes. He was very hard to hear on the phone and when I asked him what he was doing he said, "Spelunking." Seriously. He even sent me an iphone picture (which totally has to be a dream b/c we all know AT&T doesn't get a signal in normal places, so it sure isn't going to get a signal in a freaking cave!
But he reassured me that he could be home in 15 minutes (which made me start thinking maybe he really was Batman and that we had a cave under our house).
So, he got home, drove me to get my shoes at our house where we were living with a bunch of other people, and drove me back to the marathon where all my friends had already started, even though they totally said they would wait for me. Could I help it that it was 6 hours later? So, I got mad at all of them and said I would be running the Austin half alone.
All that to say, somebody analyze that please.
But, now I dream about running in races.
Last night I dreamed that I was running in the Houston Marathon and I realized right before the race that I still needed to change into my running shoes. When I reached into my bag to get them, I pulled out a pair of "dress up" tennis shoes, the kind designed to look cute but have no other real purpose.
I told my friend Kim what had happened and she said "the group" would wait to start the marathon while I ran into the mall adjacent to the starting line to get a new pair of shoes. When I ran into the mall, there were weird t-shirt shops, coffee bars and kids' play places (you know, like those giant play structures in the middle of malls these days) but not a single athletic shoe-selling store in the place.
Frantic, I jumped off the top of the mall with my parachute and flew home (true story) only to find that someone had moved into my home. It was my realtor and her kids, which prompted me to remember that we had moved. But I was very concerned that my realtor and her kids had moved into my home and they were living out of cardboard boxes they had staged as furniture.
Still in a panic about my shoes, I called my husband to see if he could come and get me and take me to get my shoes. He was very hard to hear on the phone and when I asked him what he was doing he said, "Spelunking." Seriously. He even sent me an iphone picture (which totally has to be a dream b/c we all know AT&T doesn't get a signal in normal places, so it sure isn't going to get a signal in a freaking cave!
But he reassured me that he could be home in 15 minutes (which made me start thinking maybe he really was Batman and that we had a cave under our house).
So, he got home, drove me to get my shoes at our house where we were living with a bunch of other people, and drove me back to the marathon where all my friends had already started, even though they totally said they would wait for me. Could I help it that it was 6 hours later? So, I got mad at all of them and said I would be running the Austin half alone.
All that to say, somebody analyze that please.
Day 114: Dancing in the Aisles
I went to Ikea the other day. I love shopping at Ikea (I have blogged about it more than once, that's how much I love it! See Shockenfurgen)
When I went the other day, I went with Zack and Christina (my son and his girlfriend) to do a little shopping for his new office. As usual, the trip started with a visit to the little deli they have downstairs where they serve the most delicious $.50 hot dogs and $1 cinnamon rolls (neither of which I bought, but SOMEBODY did). We grabbed a coke and started upstairs to experience the magic of IKEA.
We did the usual "follow the arrows" shopping, stopping at things we neither wanted nor needed, tucking them away in the recesses of our brains for someday.
Finally we made it downstairs only to make the most glorious discovery. IKEA has NEW SHOPPING BASKETS. They were awesome! All four wheels are free-wheeling, so the basket moves in this gleeful fashion making you want to dance, seriously, dance.
So I did.
Er . . . "we" did.
Christina and I had the MOST fun dancing in the aisles with our basket. We might have even created a few dance productions to music playing only in our heads. We laughed so hard. Even Zack smiled once or twice.
At one point, mid "big finish" dance sequence, a pair of older Indian men almost bumped into me and they smiled, chuckled, and then worked really hard to hide their guffaws. (I imagine women don't act like this in their culture) THIS made Zack actually laugh. So funny.
Finally, we were in the big furniture section and Zack had to grab a man cart (you know those hand truck things) and guess what? THEY had free wheels too, so you know he had to do it. I saw it on his face before he ever made the first move, but he danced. Oh he danced. And Christina and I lost it!
All that to say, I haven't just dared to do something stupid in a really long time. It felt so good. And I think it made a lot of people smile. Even if they thought we were crazy.
When I went the other day, I went with Zack and Christina (my son and his girlfriend) to do a little shopping for his new office. As usual, the trip started with a visit to the little deli they have downstairs where they serve the most delicious $.50 hot dogs and $1 cinnamon rolls (neither of which I bought, but SOMEBODY did). We grabbed a coke and started upstairs to experience the magic of IKEA.
We did the usual "follow the arrows" shopping, stopping at things we neither wanted nor needed, tucking them away in the recesses of our brains for someday.
Finally we made it downstairs only to make the most glorious discovery. IKEA has NEW SHOPPING BASKETS. They were awesome! All four wheels are free-wheeling, so the basket moves in this gleeful fashion making you want to dance, seriously, dance.
So I did.
Er . . . "we" did.
Christina and I had the MOST fun dancing in the aisles with our basket. We might have even created a few dance productions to music playing only in our heads. We laughed so hard. Even Zack smiled once or twice.
At one point, mid "big finish" dance sequence, a pair of older Indian men almost bumped into me and they smiled, chuckled, and then worked really hard to hide their guffaws. (I imagine women don't act like this in their culture) THIS made Zack actually laugh. So funny.
Finally, we were in the big furniture section and Zack had to grab a man cart (you know those hand truck things) and guess what? THEY had free wheels too, so you know he had to do it. I saw it on his face before he ever made the first move, but he danced. Oh he danced. And Christina and I lost it!
All that to say, I haven't just dared to do something stupid in a really long time. It felt so good. And I think it made a lot of people smile. Even if they thought we were crazy.
Day 113: How Much Struggle
I have a friend who has three little children and would love to have loads more. Generally, I would say, "more power to you" but in her case, three is already too many.
Perhaps that sounds harsh and even a bit judgemental.
But I speak from first hand knowledge.
I entered her home the other day (where her front door was wide open). She was in her kitchen and her children were sitting in the room next to that. She could see them, so I suppose if she wanted the door open, it could be open.
As we chatted for a moment, she asked if I'd like to see her home. I said sure.
She walked out of the room where her children were seated (which, by the way, was about 8 feet from the wide open front door) and started telling me about her new home. She seemed unconcerned that her three little ones (all three years of age and under) would be left alone in the front room with the front door open.
I said,'We can't leave the kids unattended' and she said, 'Oh, they're fine.'
I know from personal experience that given 1/2 a second, one of them will run as far and as fast as their little legs will carry them. So I closed the front door against her wishes.
I write this as just one of many examples I could give you of her thought processes as it relates to caring for her children.
This is my struggle. I want her to succeed at being a good mom, because at the end of the day, I think that's what God would want too.
But I strugge in knowing how much I should help her in her effort to succeed. Sometimes (I confess) I can be a bit of an enabler. My effort to help someone succeed is more like "controlling" than "helping."
So how do I help her? Doing nothing is not an option. That feels more like helping her fail. Do I help her locate the furniture she needs? People did that for me. Do I help her figure out how to manage three kids AND buy groceries, clean house, go to the doctor, run errands, etc? People did all of that for me (and I only had two kids)
I confess, I don't know where to draw the line.
All that to say, I am earnestly seeking God in this. Asking Him to give me wisdom in knowing WHEN to let her fail and learn from her failures, and when to help her succeed. How much to let her struggle is very difficult because so much is at stake, and not just for her. For her, for her kids, for all the other people involved. God help me be wise.
Perhaps that sounds harsh and even a bit judgemental.
But I speak from first hand knowledge.
I entered her home the other day (where her front door was wide open). She was in her kitchen and her children were sitting in the room next to that. She could see them, so I suppose if she wanted the door open, it could be open.
As we chatted for a moment, she asked if I'd like to see her home. I said sure.
She walked out of the room where her children were seated (which, by the way, was about 8 feet from the wide open front door) and started telling me about her new home. She seemed unconcerned that her three little ones (all three years of age and under) would be left alone in the front room with the front door open.
I said,'We can't leave the kids unattended' and she said, 'Oh, they're fine.'
I know from personal experience that given 1/2 a second, one of them will run as far and as fast as their little legs will carry them. So I closed the front door against her wishes.
I write this as just one of many examples I could give you of her thought processes as it relates to caring for her children.
This is my struggle. I want her to succeed at being a good mom, because at the end of the day, I think that's what God would want too.
But I strugge in knowing how much I should help her in her effort to succeed. Sometimes (I confess) I can be a bit of an enabler. My effort to help someone succeed is more like "controlling" than "helping."
So how do I help her? Doing nothing is not an option. That feels more like helping her fail. Do I help her locate the furniture she needs? People did that for me. Do I help her figure out how to manage three kids AND buy groceries, clean house, go to the doctor, run errands, etc? People did all of that for me (and I only had two kids)
I confess, I don't know where to draw the line.
All that to say, I am earnestly seeking God in this. Asking Him to give me wisdom in knowing WHEN to let her fail and learn from her failures, and when to help her succeed. How much to let her struggle is very difficult because so much is at stake, and not just for her. For her, for her kids, for all the other people involved. God help me be wise.
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