Day 113: How Much Struggle

I have a friend who has three little children and would love to have loads more. Generally, I would say, "more power to you" but in her case, three is already too many.

Perhaps that sounds harsh and even a bit judgemental.

But I speak from first hand knowledge.

I entered her home the other day (where her front door was wide open). She was in her kitchen and her children were sitting in the room next to that. She could see them, so I suppose if she wanted the door open, it could be open.

As we chatted for a moment, she asked if I'd like to see her home. I said sure.

She walked out of the room where her children were seated (which, by the way, was about 8 feet from the wide open front door) and started telling me about her new home. She seemed unconcerned that her three little ones (all three years of age and under) would be left alone in the front room with the front door open.

I said,'We can't leave the kids unattended' and she said, 'Oh, they're fine.'

I know from personal experience that given 1/2 a second, one of them will run as far and as fast as their little legs will carry them. So I closed the front door against her wishes.

I write this as just one of many examples I could give you of her thought processes as it relates to caring for her children.

This is my struggle. I want her to succeed at being a good mom, because at the end of the day, I think that's what God would want too.

But I strugge in knowing how much I should help her in her effort to succeed. Sometimes (I confess) I can be a bit of an enabler. My effort to help someone succeed is more like "controlling" than "helping."

So how do I help her? Doing nothing is not an option. That feels more like helping her fail. Do I help her locate the furniture she needs? People did that for me. Do I help her figure out how to manage three kids AND buy groceries, clean house, go to the doctor, run errands, etc? People did all of that for me (and I only had two kids)

I confess, I don't know where to draw the line.

All that to say, I am earnestly seeking God in this. Asking Him to give me wisdom in knowing WHEN to let her fail and learn from her failures, and when to help her succeed. How much to let her struggle is very difficult because so much is at stake, and not just for her. For her, for her kids, for all the other people involved. God help me be wise.