Day 6: What Makes a Friend a Friend

I have been thinking a lot about friendships lately. I am pretty sure it is because I am going to go on a trip soon with a friend of mine, a mentor, who will challenge me about some friendship issues that have occurred over the past year. She will ask me if I feel that hurt feelings have been resolved. She will ask me if I am "in neutral" about what has transpired. She has really drilled into me over the years that bitterness and unforgiveness will eat us alive if we let it. So as I have been examining my emotions, I have been thinking about friendship.

I have been blessed over my lifetime to have good friends. I remember my first "Best Friend." Her name was Alva Ybarra. I have not seen nor heard from her since 6th grade, but her name still sticks in my mind, and though I remember almost nothing about why we were best friends, nor anything we ever did together, I remember her name and the emotion that her name evokes. If I saw her today (and I recognized her!) I would still call her "friend."

I remember my best friend in High School, Tammy Crawford. We grew up together in so many ways; got married close to the same time, had our kids at the same time, then as we moved away our friendship was reduced to Christmas Letters. Can't say why. It just happened. And then one of us moved, and the Christmas letters ceased, and we lost touch. But she's still my friend.

I remember my first real "grown up" friendship, a deep friendship that made me feel like I understood what that David/Jonathan friendship must have been like in the Bible.

I have also been incredibly blessed to be allowed to mentor many young woman over the years, and though our ages are significantly different, I would call each of them friend.

And I will say this, some of my friendships, I have royally screwed up. I have allowed hurt feelings or pride or any number of other things to wreck incredible relationships that may be forever demolished or at the very least forever diminished. And though I might never see those friends again, it doesn't change the fact that I call them friend.

But I have learned this; friendship is not defined by age, or stage of life, or location, or daily presence. I think friendship is defined by the bonds that it forms deep in your heart. And regardless of life and circumstance, real friendship lasts. It weathers storms. It celebrates life. It grieves loss. It endures.

All that to say, what makes a friend a friend? I don't have a clue. Maybe it's the mystery of it that makes it so wonderful.

Day Five: Not for the Weak

***DISCLAIMER*** THIS IS GROSS.***
***DON'T READ IT IF YOU HAVE A WEAK STOMACH****

Ummm yeah, so I have lived 48 years without one of these. I don't exactly know how that is possible, but it is true. And now, now I have one. Actually, I have multiples, and they hurt, and they are gross, and they make people look away in horror, or worse yet, they make people lick their lips unconsciously while trying to look away, yet find themselves inexplicably drawn to the horror that is before them.

What am I talking about? FEVER BLISTERS. Ugh. I do not know how I have survived 48years without a fever blister, but I hope to never ever ever have one again. I started getting one about a week ago. Of course, I didn't know that's what it was, because I have never had one, so I took absolutely NO ONE'S advice to go and buy Abreva. I just kept thinking my lips were chapped and kept rubbing Vaseline on them.

A few days later, the first "blister" appeared. It was kind of hard to tell if it was a blister though, or if it was just my chapped lips cracking. So I applied more Vaseline. The next day, more blisters. The next day, more blisters. Ugh.

(This picture does not do it justice!)

So finally I bought the stupid Abreva. As of yet, the blisters are not diminishing, but now the stupid scabs are forming on the old blisters. So it's not enough to have a swollen lip with blisters! I now have to have SCABS!!! Peeling scabs that stick up in horrific 3D off of my lip.

All that to say, my stupid lip hurts and I'm horrifically aware of it, as are others. I was thinking that fever blisters are like sin. You kinda know it's there, but left to run amok, it starts popping up all over the place until it's gross and ugly and cannot be ignored! Yes . . . I can even spiritualize fever blisters.

Day Four: My Job Smells

I am very fortunate to love my job. I know that lots of people have to get up and go to work at a place where they don't love their jobs; so I feel especially blessed to say that I wake up ALMOST every morning, looking forward to going to work. Perhaps what makes the experience so great is the team of people I get to do life with 5 or 6 days a week.

I don't work a single day that I don't laugh, that I don't feel challenged to be better, that I don't have to think about decisions I make, and that I don't get to impact someone's life. It might be easy to chalk all of that up to working in a chuch, but trust me, I've worked in some churches and the only thing I looked forward to was going home each day. Something is different about this team of people.

Before I go on, I want to issue a disclaimer to people that I have worked with in the past that I love, that I have formed cherished friendships with, that I loved working alongside, and say to you that though the circumstances under which we worked together might have been different, I love you the same.

As I was thinking yesterday about what makes this team so different, I realized that it's our leader. He runs zealously after God in a way I have never seen anyone run after God. You can tell it's true because he smells like God. He is gentle, and humble, and a warrior for God's people. He calls us to pray over our decisions, over our days, over our families, over our ministries, over opportunities lost. He calls us to confess, and to rejoice, and to beg, and to expect great things, and he asks us often to do those things publically.



Our weekly "Staff Meeting" is one hour of prayer and worship together. Once every three months, we all go off together and spend an entire day in prayer. That might sound like a long day to you, it sounded long to me too in the beginning, but it flies by. We are challenged to take our own personal prayer retreats regularly.

We are a family. We fight. We get upset with each other. We call each other names (usually to our faces). But we also defend one another. We give one another the benefit of the doubt. And we pray for one another.

All that to say, my job smells like God. And I like that.

Day Three: Married Well

I married well. I don't always remember that, but today it is very clear in my mind, so I'm saying it, "I married well." Yesterday, I was with a group of people and we were praying for our families. When I talked about Mike, I said, "One of the things I love about my husband is that he is a very dedicated and committed person.

I'm not totally sure that dedicated and committed really even describe this character trait well. If Mike says he is going to do something, he is going to do it. Sometimes this can be bothersome, like when I say, "Let's run at 9:30 in the morning" and at 9:29 he is standing in front of me fully decked out in running gear and I am still in my jammies. But most of the time it is an amazing quality to have in a husband, and one I deeply admire.

At the moment, he lives a daily difficult situation. I cannot really go into it, but just trust me that almost every day of his life he is faced with a very difficult situation that he must endure. But he does so much more than endure it. He endures it with grace; grace for the situation, grace for the people, grace for the tirades, grace. And he endures it because he is steadfast. He doesn't waver easily. In his mind, there are far worse things to endure than what he faces, so he goes about it with a kindness that inspires me.

I love knowing that my husband is dedicated and committed. It makes me love him more, trust him unequivocably, and respect him deeply. Now don't go thinking that he's perfect, ladies, he's not. But he's close. And I love him for the hundreds of things he gets right.

All that to say, I married well.

Day Two: Presence

We have a new puppy. Technically, Jacob has a new puppy. It's actually a good deal for all of us, because we get all the benefits of having a puppy, but he's Jacob's responsibility. Now THAT'S a turn of events for sure. When the kids were little "we" had a puppy, but "they" got all of the benefits and "we" did all of the work. But now Jacob scoops the poop, takes him out for his 3:00 a.m. potty needs, feeds him, takes him to the vet . . . and we, we play with him.

The thing is, Sawyer, (that's his name)is most assuredly Jacob's pet, and Jacob is most assuredly Sawyer's boy. He follows Jacob everywhere! He HAS to be in the same room with Jacob no matter where that room is. If Jacob lays down, Sawyer lays down right next to him, or as close as he can get. As long as he's with Jacob, he's content.

I watched them playing last night, and it made me think of God. (I know, I'm spiritualizing a dog!) But watching Sawyer follow Jacob around made me think of God and how I used to long for His presence. And it made me wonder when I lost that. I am with Him everyday, but I am not content to just be with Him. I need His undivided attention. I need Him to be talking to me every second that I am with Him. I need Him to make sure I know that He is listening to me. I am no longer just content to be in His presence. And I miss that.

All that to say, I miss just sitting as His feet. I miss just being content to feel the warmth of Him, the peace that emanates from Him, the comfort that comes from just being near. The comfort of presence.

Day One: Learn Something New

I took a photography class on Friday from my good friend, Shauna Maness. I used to be a "learner" meaning that I tried to learn something new all the time. Seems like work and life have gotten the best of me and all I seem to learn lately are things about myself that I either don't like, or that other's don't like, or that God doesn't like and I should change. I guess that's still learning, and good learning at that.

But I mean I used to learn new skills all the time. I learned how to knit. I learned how to crochet (I was HORRIBLE at it!). I learned how to quilt. I learned sign language. I learned some Spanish, but not really enough to be functional. I learned how to play c,d,g & e on the guitar so I could play songs to my first graders when I taught first grade. I have missed learning new things. And I have wanted to take a photography class for a long time, so I FINALLY took one!

During the class, we started talking about what we do to be creative, do we scrapbook (oh yeah, I learned that too), do we sing, paint, draw, etc. And Shauna mentioned that I catalog life by writing. I guess I never thought of it in those terms, but I suppose that is what I do. As part of the conversation, she mentioned something about a 365 day journal, a blog of life, that incorporates something from each day in pictures.

I suppose a 365 day journal would make a lot more sense starting it on January 1st, but that has come and gone, so instead, I am starting it on January 10, 2010. A 365 day journal of life and memories and photographs and lessons learned.

All that to say, I have never blogged 365 days in a row. We'll have to see how it goes. Stay tuned.

Good Morning 2010

Good Morning 2010. (In my head that sounded a lot like Robin Williams saying "Good Morning Vietnam.") I, for one, am glad that it is 2010. A new year. A new beginning. Lots of new beginnings. Who knows what will happen this year? What new circumstances life will bring? What joys? What heartaches? What comfort? What pain? It's all waiting out there, just waiting to give birth to our new lives. As is customary, I like to start out a new year with some thoughts on what I would like to change about myself. Some call these resolutions. I think the "resolve" part came last year, as a part of some hard lessons I had to learn. But I think coming to a place where I am resolved to accept certain truths about me have allowed me to be ready to change them.

In 2009, I learned that contrary to what I think, I am not in control of just about anything. I still want to be in control. The urge to control has not left me. But I have built in some behavior modifications, a gut check if you will, that helps me avoid the controlling. Being a control freak is not easy people. It's not all fun and games, so letting go of that has not been easy either. God has taught me some amazing things along the way of releasing my controlling ways though. Some of the lessons were not so fun. But they were all rewarding. In 2010, I am resolved to continue learning to let go. I am resolved to allow God to be in control (isn't that big of me?)instead of thinking that I am, and instead of thinking that I in any way have the power to control life and life's unpleasantness. I am resolved to allow people to make their own mistakes. I am resolved to give advice when asked, only. And I am resolved to seek, ask, knock. Because that's where I will find the strength to relinquish control.

In 2009, I learned that I will always be a mother to my children no matter how old they get. This, however, does not give me the supreme right to "parent" them for the rest of their lives, however badly I might want to. In 2010, I am resolved to finding the balance between helping my children make the transition into adulthood, and BACKING OFF! :) I am an adult, and God still parents me, but He also gives me a pretty wide berth to learn from my mistakes.

In 2009, I learned that I cannot eat whatever I want, though exercising like a mad woman, and expect to find good health. It just doesn't happen that way. I can't work 60 hour weeks, nor am I expected to. I can't obsess over the little things in life. In 2010, I am resolved to make healthier life choices. I will eat better, exercise well, rest, take vacations, love my husband, read good books (and probably some awful ones) and be better at releasing people from the debts I think they owe me. Even the ones who are still making me mad as of today! (Obviously have a lot of work to do here.)

In 2009, I learned that good friends are hard to come by. I learned that sometimes friends aren't who you think they are, and friendships aren't what you thought they were, but that the richness of the friendship you shared, for the time you shared it, is still good, and you can still cherish those memories. In 2010, I am resolved to enjoy my friends, for the time God has given them to me. I am resolved to make sure I have done all I personally can to practice forgiveness with fractured friendships, and then be content to allow God's timing in restoration. No more obsessing about such things!

In 2009, I learned that no matter how badly you want something for someone else, they have to make their own decisions. In 2010, I am resolved to pray for my sons, that they will make choices for their lives that they have bathed in prayer. I am resolved to let prayer be my parenting style! (Seems like this is a combination of my control and parenting resolutions!)

All that to say, I am looking forward to 2010 and all the ways I will see God work in it. Good Morning 2010.