What Is The Impact of Your Words?

Our words are so incredibly powerful; the words we speak to others and the words we speak to ourselves.

Our words can delight the heart or devastate the mind.

They can be instruments of peace and hope or chaos and destruction.

We can wield them as weapons or whisper them like salve over deep wounds.

We all know the power of our words, and yet we speak them with such carelessness, such blatant disregard for the impact they will make upon landing.

There is an ancient biblical proverb that says, "Death and life are in the power of the tongue . . . "

The Power of Death and Life

I had a friend of mine who's father went into surgery for a minor hernia repair.  No big deal, even given his advanced number of years.  They were assured it was a very simple procedure; he'd be in and out before they knew it.

After some time, two doctors came out (they never deliver bad news alone), each removing their surgical caps, almost in unison.  She and the rest of her family stood up, surprised and each sensing the impending doom that had sucked the oxygen out of the room.

Due to a slight error in the way some medication was administered, a medication designed to regulate his heart rate during surgery, her father had suffered a heart attack and they could not revive him. He died on the table.

Imagine the shock of that.  A simple medication, designed to give life, but instead delivered a deadly blow.


Thus is the impact of our words.


Though they have the power to give life, if spoken carelessly, they can bring death and destruction.

Choosing My Words

I have thought so much about my words lately; about the ones I speak, and the ones that remain thoughts in my head, threatening to spill out over those I love . . .


. . . and those I struggle to love.


God gave each of us the ability to speak. He also gave us the power to give life, and hope, and encouragement with our words or to use them to bring devastation and destruction.



All that to say, we have the power of death and life on the tip of our tongue. Today, for one whole day, speak each word as a gift and measure the life that it brings to your soul.

Day 44: Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire

I have come to the conclusion that we are all liars, meaning that at some point in our day, week, month, year, lifetime, we lie.  We just don't like the word "liar" and so we work really hard to justify the reasons we lie.

There are probably just as many reasons for the lies we tell as there are lies themselves.  We lie to avoid conflict. . .   well, now that I type that . . .   I realize there is only one reason we lie; we lie to avoid conflict.


People tell all sorts of lies to avoid conflict.  Here are a few . . .

The "who's gonna know" lie.  The lie we tell when we cheat on our taxes or something similar.

The "white" lie.  The lie we tell because we believe it is in the best interest of the person to whom we are lying.  This is the "I love your new haircut" lie or the "no, your butt doesn't look big in those pants" lie. (just for the record, I will straight up tell you your butt looks big if you ask me . . . if it does indeed look big. . . so don't ask me if you don't really want to know.)

The  "flipped it" lie.  The lie we tell when we have forgotten something, but we blame the other person instead.  This is the "I told you weeks ago that I had a meeting, but you never remember anything I say" lie or the "you never told me to schedule that dentist appointment.  You do that all the time; think you've told me something but you haven't" lie.

The "cover-up" lie.  The lie we tell when our best defense is a good offense.  This is the "that's my story, and I'm sticking to it" lie.  Teenagers are the best at this one!  Even when they know the story they are telling is completely illogical, they will stick to that story no matter what!

The "negative belief" lie.  The lie we tell  because we believe that if we tell the truth about something, the other person is going to blow up about it, so instead of trusting them with the truth, we choose to tell a lie.  The "no, I didn't buy new shoes.  Those are old shoes.  I've had them for months" lie. (but in our head we're saying, "If I tell you I bought new shoes, which clearly I did, you are gonna freak out about it and yell at me for spending money.")  I may or may not do this.  Sometimes.  Maybe frequently.  (I SAID MAYBE)

I think at the end of the day, we lie because we do not trust the other party enough to tell them the truth.  We do not trust that our relationship, friendship, marriage with them is secure enough, safe enough, loving enough, to trust them with the truth.  And perhaps we don't want to have to speak the truth aloud because it makes us have to face things about ourselves that we don't like either.

And so we lie.

To avoid conflict.

Just imagine, though,  if we cultivated relationships of truth telling?  But how do we do that? 

We must begin by telling the truth.  By helping the other person know that no matter what, I will always tell you the truth. 

And secondly, by creating an atmosphere of grace, by helping the other person know that no matter how unpleasant the truth might be to hear, I want to hear the truth.  And when you tell me the truth, I'm not going to blow up about it.  I might not be happy.  But I'm not going to explode.  I'm going to be a safe person for you.

All that to say, truth telling . . . it's underrated.

Day 41: Guilty

It's funny to me whenever I hear someone making fun of what other people post on facebook.  In truth, it makes me laugh a little.

Of course, I'm not laughing out loud, in their face.  I'm laughing in my head.  That crazy sounding laugh that no one else hears but you, but that makes you want to laugh out loud at yourself for being so amused.

I confess that sometimes the laugh in my head is a condescending laugh.  A laugh that says, 'Whatever, you totally know you do it too!"

But sometimes the laugh in my head is a nervous, oh-man-I'm-totally-guilty-of-that laugh.

In fact, I am VERY OFTEN guilty of the things I hear people ridiculing others about on facebook.

Some examples:

"Seriously, do people really think anyone else CARES what you are having for dinner?"

• Guilty. I have recently posted that I was having Banana Pancakes, Maple Bacon and Scrambled Eggs for dinner. I guess I thought someone cared.

"If they post one more recipe about their organic gluten free dinner, I'm going to delete them as a friend."

• Guilty.  Well, not about the organic gluten free part.  I'm dying a slow toxic death by shopping at the actual grocery store (and in the center aisles no less!)  But I have posted recipes of my meals.

"No matter how urgent the crisis, there's always time to update your status on facebook."

• Guilty.  I have done this in the ER (complete with pics), on my way to the ER, on my way home from the ER, etc.

"You know, hashtags aren't for facebook? right?"

•  Guilty.  #SueMe  #You'reNotTheBossOfMe

"I'm not dumb.  That  casual "update" that says something funny that happened with your new business is really just an ad for your new business."

• Guilty.  No explanation needed.

"I really don't care how fast, far, long you ran or what you felt like afterward."

• Guilty.  For the entire 10 months I trained for a marathon!

Oh but the list could go on.  I totally make fun of the things people post on facebook all the time, so I think hearing people making fun of things I do is sort of some kind of cosmic payback.  (if I believed in cosmic paybacks)

All that to say, I've enjoyed having a good laugh at my own expense.  And it has made me think a little bit more about WHAT I post on facebook.  Maybe.

Day 21: Well, Shut My Mouth

I have OCD.  (How's that for an opening sentence?)  The particular type of OCD that I have causes me to become obsessed when I have any level of relational conflict in my life.  It's why I am so quick to resolve conflict and why I try to keep such short accounts with folks.

If I suspect I have wronged you, I'm gonna ask you straight away, "Are we okay?"  or "Have I done something stupid I don't know about yet?"  or "Have I done something to offend you because I sense that something is up?"

If you know me well at all, you know that this is true.  Many people in my life tell me this is a wonderful quality in me.  I hope so.  I do know the Bible tells us to keep short accounts.

I think another manifestation of this "quick to keep short accounts thing" is that I ask far too many clarifying questions.  A coworker of mine (Ken Williams) once told me that there was a question quota and I had exceeded it!

People often say to me, "I never doubt where I stand with you." or "I never wonder what you are thinking."  or "You are very outspoken."

I can never decide if people say these things to me because I am TOO outspoken, or if it is because they admire this trait in me as well.

I am not quick to speak my opinion  . . . well, maybe I am . . . (shut up, Shauna, I can actually hear you laughing out loud right now!)

What I meant to say (before I was so rudely interrupted by Shauna's laughing) is that I'm not quick to offer advice, but I think perhaps I am too quick to weigh in and offer my opinion.  I'll tell you what I think, but I won't give you a moving forward plan unless you ask for it.

Of late, I have decided that not EVERYONE thinks this is a bonus, my incessant need to ask clarifying questions or my need to insure our relational harmony.  Of late, I have decided that not EVERYONE wants to know that I think we aren't "okay" relationally.  Of late, I have learned that in some instances, I should just assume we aren't okay, and get over it.  Or best yet, in some instances, I should just keep my mouth shut.

All that to say, mmhnmnmhmmmm (I can't say because my mouth is shut.)

Day 43: Choose Your Fruit

I read a book called, "Axioms" by a man named Bill Hybels. Bill says in chapter one of his book, "Words Matter."

Words do matter. Even one word can change the emotional weight of a sentence.

For example, that this sentence.

"I dislike chocolate."

What if I changed it to, "I hate chocolate."

Feels different, right?

What if instead of saying something was unhealthy, I said it was "toxic"?

Again, feels different, right? And in each sentence, I only changed one word.


Words matter. They have weight. They have value. They can build up or tear down. They can motivate or discourage. That can soothe or inflame.

Imagine what each of our lives would be like if we recognized the power of our words . . . the power of our tongue. "Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and they that love it shall eat of its fruit. - Proverbs 18:21"

All that to say, choose your words, but better yet, choose the fruit of your words.

Day 42: I'm Quoting Yoda

A lot of years ago, I was a school teacher. Seems like a lifetime ago.

One year, our principal called me into his office. He said, "Are you interested in teaching 5th grade. We like you and think you would be great with this age group." In that moment, I was unsure. I had never taught 5th grade, but I liked the idea of 5th grade. So I said I would think about it.

As I walked out of his office, one of the 5th grade teachers who was waiting in the waiting area, got up and walked in, saying to the Principal, "You wanted to see me?"

As she walked in, I thought to myself, "Is he moving her too?" But he wasn't moving her. He was letting her go.

And the fact that she saw me come out of his office, combined with the fact that I did end up taking that 5th grade position, created a maelstrom of gossip like you would not imagine.

She surmised (as I probably would have if in her shoes) that she had been let go because I wanted her job.

The last part of that school year, and the summer, and the beginning of the next school year were torturous as countless parents and teachers blamed me for the situation. And try as I might, I could not convince them otherwise.

But a very wise co-worker said to me, "You generally cannot defend yourself against gossip. So the best thing to do is to leave it up to God to defend you. He knows the truth."

So I did. And He did.

That taught me a valuable lesson, and created in me a life axiom that I say all the time; "The truth always finds a way."

All that to say, the tongue is such a powerful tool. We must, in the words of Yoda, "Use our powers for good." (Wow . . . I'm quoting Star Wars!)