I was driving home last Friday morning from an early morning walk with friends. For a Friday, the roads were surprisingly empty, but I suppose it's because it was the Friday after the Fourth of July and more people than usual were sleeping in.
As I drove, somewhat lost in my own thoughts, I happened to notice a gorgeous black lab sitting in the median up ahead of me. He sat there, very stoic-looking, and incredibly relaxed for a dog sitting in a median. As I approached, I realized he was sitting next to another dog who was dead.
When I got home, I couldn't shake the image of the beautiful black lab standing guard over what I can only assume was his friend, his fellow traveler, his mate. He didn't appear to be anxious, or waiting for help. He simply sat, perhaps still in shock, perhaps mourning, perhaps simply not knowing what to do next.
Feeling His Pain
And oddly, I felt a kinship to his story. A very huge part of what I know to be "me" is gone. And I find that I am simply sitting, somewhat in shock (yes, still), somewhat in mourning, and somewhat simply not knowing what to do next.
On a walk with a friend this morning, I was explaining to her that I feel lost in trying to re-establish community within the church. And it occurred to me as we talked, that all the reasons I give for not being "able" to find a church to attend are excuses. The real reason is that I am mad "at" the church, and therefore don't really want to attend any church.
She told me that was like having a bad experience with an oil and gas company and deciding I just wasn't going to ever buy oil and gas again. . . (or something like that . . . I was in the moment. It was beautiful when she said it.)
The Middle of the Road
At its core, I have unforgiveness in my heart. I am frozen in that unforgiveness, and I am the only one who can really do anything at all about it. It's somewhat disheartening to know that I have within myself, the Power to set myself free. And yet, like that beautiful black lab, I choose to sit, frozen in the middle of the road, unable or unwilling to move.
All that to say, knowing WHAT to do and DOING it are often two very different things. I can't sit here in the middle of the road much longer, for it's a very dangerous place to sit. I am assured that God's best for me is still ahead of me. I'm just gonna need to get ON the road and out of the middle of it.
Carol
Showing posts with label Loving others. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Loving others. Show all posts
Day 60: The Real Carol Jones
When I was little and would spend the weekend with my grandma, she liked to watch this show called, 'To Tell the Truth." The premise of the story was that 2 or 3 impostors and one "real" person would sit on a panel and answer questions from a panel of judges who would then determine who the "real" person was.
Each judge would guess who they thought the real person was and then the host would say, "Will the real __________ ______________ please stand up?"
What in the world does that story have to do with the price of tea in China?
It's this. I think depending upon circumstances, personalities, events, outcome of events, etc., we are all viewed by different people in different ways. The pastor at a church I attended often told a story about a friend that he'd had a falling out with, and how he was fairly sure that particular friend didn't think he was godly, or kind, or loving or any of the other qualities that others ascribed to him.
And yet pretty much anyone else who knew him well at all thought he was one of the kindest, most loving and godly men they'd ever met. So how do you explain that the same man was thought of completely differently by different people?
Same man. Different perspective.
Like I said, we are all different people to someone. And yet, we are the same person at our core. And it's what's at our core that matters.
Most assuredly there are going to be people in my life that are not in my fan base. (Just read my comments occasionally and you'll see that!)
And there will be people in my life that love them some Carol Jones.
And I must be careful not to too heavily buy into either opinion. I cannot totally judge who I am by what others would say about me, good or bad.
I have to daily remind myself that God is the only One who really knows the real me. And He is the only One who can accurately judge my character.
All that to say, someday the real Carol Jones will stand before a Holy God who has seen me live, mess up, get it right, grow and change, and He'll know that the real Carol Jones is standing before Him. Because He knows me the best.
Each judge would guess who they thought the real person was and then the host would say, "Will the real __________ ______________ please stand up?"
What in the world does that story have to do with the price of tea in China?
It's this. I think depending upon circumstances, personalities, events, outcome of events, etc., we are all viewed by different people in different ways. The pastor at a church I attended often told a story about a friend that he'd had a falling out with, and how he was fairly sure that particular friend didn't think he was godly, or kind, or loving or any of the other qualities that others ascribed to him.
And yet pretty much anyone else who knew him well at all thought he was one of the kindest, most loving and godly men they'd ever met. So how do you explain that the same man was thought of completely differently by different people?
Same man. Different perspective.
Like I said, we are all different people to someone. And yet, we are the same person at our core. And it's what's at our core that matters.
Most assuredly there are going to be people in my life that are not in my fan base. (Just read my comments occasionally and you'll see that!)
And there will be people in my life that love them some Carol Jones.
And I must be careful not to too heavily buy into either opinion. I cannot totally judge who I am by what others would say about me, good or bad.
I have to daily remind myself that God is the only One who really knows the real me. And He is the only One who can accurately judge my character.
All that to say, someday the real Carol Jones will stand before a Holy God who has seen me live, mess up, get it right, grow and change, and He'll know that the real Carol Jones is standing before Him. Because He knows me the best.
Day 45: The Chicken Dance
I find that I am often frustrated by Christians response to things. I'm not saying we shouldn't stand up for what we believe in, or that we shouldn't have the freedom to speak our minds. I'm not. There are plenty of things I feel strongly about, and I'm certainly entitled to my opinion, and I'm equally entitled to speak about those things (based on the Constitution of this country where I live), and I'm equally entitled to "take a stand" about those things. I'm okay with all of my friends who wanted to sit in stupid long lines to go buy a chicken sandwich because you felt like it was your way of taking a stand. (Not saying it was particularly productive in my way of thinking, but I support your right to do it!)
But what I am not entitled to do is to be hateful. I am not entitled to be hurtful. I am not entitled to misrepresent Jesus and His love for ALL mankind, regardless of race, or gender, or political orientation. I am not entitled to make you feel like you are less than me because we do not share the same religious beliefs. I am not entitled to judge you.
I am called to be different. I am called to use my powers for good ("Do not withhold good to those whom it is due when it is in your power to do so.") I am called to love, unconditionally.
And if I am going to raise up and cry out and want to make a difference in the world . . .
If I am going to put my energy someplace . . .
If I am going to try to change the world to be what I believe God would want . . .
I'm going to rescue babies, and help dig water wells, and help rescue modern day slaves, and feed the poor or at the very least I'm gonna spend some time getting to know my neighbors and loving them better.
I could go on. But I won't. I don't want to join the melee. (I think I just did).
I just want to say that I love Jesus. And I love people. And if my love for Jesus and you isn't the first thing you notice about me, then I need to work on myself before I even THINK about what you need to change about you.
All that to say, before you act . . .before you speak . . . ask yourself, "Is what I am about to say or do going to be a beautiful reflection of Jesus or a hateful reflection of myself?"
But what I am not entitled to do is to be hateful. I am not entitled to be hurtful. I am not entitled to misrepresent Jesus and His love for ALL mankind, regardless of race, or gender, or political orientation. I am not entitled to make you feel like you are less than me because we do not share the same religious beliefs. I am not entitled to judge you.
I am called to be different. I am called to use my powers for good ("Do not withhold good to those whom it is due when it is in your power to do so.") I am called to love, unconditionally.
And if I am going to raise up and cry out and want to make a difference in the world . . .
If I am going to put my energy someplace . . .
If I am going to try to change the world to be what I believe God would want . . .
I'm going to rescue babies, and help dig water wells, and help rescue modern day slaves, and feed the poor or at the very least I'm gonna spend some time getting to know my neighbors and loving them better.
I could go on. But I won't. I don't want to join the melee. (I think I just did).
I just want to say that I love Jesus. And I love people. And if my love for Jesus and you isn't the first thing you notice about me, then I need to work on myself before I even THINK about what you need to change about you.
All that to say, before you act . . .before you speak . . . ask yourself, "Is what I am about to say or do going to be a beautiful reflection of Jesus or a hateful reflection of myself?"
Day 41: Guilty
It's funny to me whenever I hear someone making fun of what other people post on facebook. In truth, it makes me laugh a little.
Of course, I'm not laughing out loud, in their face. I'm laughing in my head. That crazy sounding laugh that no one else hears but you, but that makes you want to laugh out loud at yourself for being so amused.
I confess that sometimes the laugh in my head is a condescending laugh. A laugh that says, 'Whatever, you totally know you do it too!"
But sometimes the laugh in my head is a nervous, oh-man-I'm-totally-guilty-of-that laugh.
In fact, I am VERY OFTEN guilty of the things I hear people ridiculing others about on facebook.
Some examples:
"Seriously, do people really think anyone else CARES what you are having for dinner?"
"If they post one more recipe about their organic gluten free dinner, I'm going to delete them as a friend."
"No matter how urgent the crisis, there's always time to update your status on facebook."
"You know, hashtags aren't for facebook? right?"
"I'm not dumb. That casual "update" that says something funny that happened with your new business is really just an ad for your new business."
"I really don't care how fast, far, long you ran or what you felt like afterward."
Oh but the list could go on. I totally make fun of the things people post on facebook all the time, so I think hearing people making fun of things I do is sort of some kind of cosmic payback. (if I believed in cosmic paybacks)
All that to say, I've enjoyed having a good laugh at my own expense. And it has made me think a little bit more about WHAT I post on facebook. Maybe.
Of course, I'm not laughing out loud, in their face. I'm laughing in my head. That crazy sounding laugh that no one else hears but you, but that makes you want to laugh out loud at yourself for being so amused.
I confess that sometimes the laugh in my head is a condescending laugh. A laugh that says, 'Whatever, you totally know you do it too!"
But sometimes the laugh in my head is a nervous, oh-man-I'm-totally-guilty-of-that laugh.
In fact, I am VERY OFTEN guilty of the things I hear people ridiculing others about on facebook.
Some examples:
"Seriously, do people really think anyone else CARES what you are having for dinner?"
- Guilty. I have recently posted that I was having Banana Pancakes, Maple Bacon and Scrambled Eggs for dinner. I guess I thought someone cared.
"If they post one more recipe about their organic gluten free dinner, I'm going to delete them as a friend."
- Guilty. Well, not about the organic gluten free part. I'm dying a slow toxic death by shopping at the actual grocery store (and in the center aisles no less!) But I have posted recipes of my meals.
"No matter how urgent the crisis, there's always time to update your status on facebook."
- Guilty. I have done this in the ER (complete with pics), on my way to the ER, on my way home from the ER, etc.
"You know, hashtags aren't for facebook? right?"
- Guilty. #SueMe #You'reNotTheBossOfMe
"I'm not dumb. That casual "update" that says something funny that happened with your new business is really just an ad for your new business."
- Guilty. No explanation needed.
- Guilty. For the entire 10 months I trained for a marathon!
Oh but the list could go on. I totally make fun of the things people post on facebook all the time, so I think hearing people making fun of things I do is sort of some kind of cosmic payback. (if I believed in cosmic paybacks)
All that to say, I've enjoyed having a good laugh at my own expense. And it has made me think a little bit more about WHAT I post on facebook. Maybe.
I'm Not Who I Was
Cool Title. I'm Not Who I Was. Everytime I say or hear that phrase, I can't help but sing a little bit of Brandon Heath's "I'm Not Who I Was." http://www.brandonheath.net/media.php The opening line says "I wish you could see me now. I wish I could show you how, I'm not who I was."
I've been thinking a lot lately about how I have changed. And I don't even mean how I have changed because I am now a Christian and I didn't used to be one. I mean how I have changed since I became a Christian. All in me that has changed. All the things I have thought to be true because religious practice would tell me those things were true. All the things I have thought to be true because I let others tell me they were true instead of finding out for myself. I listened to answers instead of asking questions.
But I'm not who I was. I think my scabs have been pulled off (maybe are being pulled off) and I'm not who I was. And let me tell you, if you have ever had a scab pulled off, it hurts like hell. But I have experienced great change. I know this because I have reconnected with old friends and one of the first things they say to me is how much I have changed. I'm sure they are not talking about my weight gain or my hair color. At least I don't think so. I think they see that something is different. I hope they do.
I used to love Jesus and wish the world would love him too. Now, I love Jesus and I love the world, and I wish they loved him too. But I still love them, even if they decide not to love him. That is one of the biggest changes in me. Maybe the difference is not particularly distinct to you, but it is to me, and it has GREATLY shaped and changed how I respond to the world. The point is to love them. And in loving them, show them who Christ is and how I am different because of Christ's love. The point isn't in getting them to pray a prayer, though I am sure there are those who would argue differently. The point is in the loving them. At least, I think it is.
So I am different. And I am constantly changing . . . changing the way I act toward others, the way I speak, the way I live, the way I love.
All that to say, I'm not who I was.
I've been thinking a lot lately about how I have changed. And I don't even mean how I have changed because I am now a Christian and I didn't used to be one. I mean how I have changed since I became a Christian. All in me that has changed. All the things I have thought to be true because religious practice would tell me those things were true. All the things I have thought to be true because I let others tell me they were true instead of finding out for myself. I listened to answers instead of asking questions.
But I'm not who I was. I think my scabs have been pulled off (maybe are being pulled off) and I'm not who I was. And let me tell you, if you have ever had a scab pulled off, it hurts like hell. But I have experienced great change. I know this because I have reconnected with old friends and one of the first things they say to me is how much I have changed. I'm sure they are not talking about my weight gain or my hair color. At least I don't think so. I think they see that something is different. I hope they do.
I used to love Jesus and wish the world would love him too. Now, I love Jesus and I love the world, and I wish they loved him too. But I still love them, even if they decide not to love him. That is one of the biggest changes in me. Maybe the difference is not particularly distinct to you, but it is to me, and it has GREATLY shaped and changed how I respond to the world. The point is to love them. And in loving them, show them who Christ is and how I am different because of Christ's love. The point isn't in getting them to pray a prayer, though I am sure there are those who would argue differently. The point is in the loving them. At least, I think it is.
So I am different. And I am constantly changing . . . changing the way I act toward others, the way I speak, the way I live, the way I love.
All that to say, I'm not who I was.
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