What Else is There to Do?

I haven't blogged about this in a while.  Honestly, because I was gun shy from some hate-filled responses I got.  But the purpose of this blog is to live my life out loud, in a real, transparent, and authentic way that  hopefully connects with you, helps you, challenges you, makes you laugh or shake your head.

I lost my job in August.  And by "lost it" I mean I was let go, fired, canned, dismissed.  I don't want or need to make it prettier or uglier than it is.  It's just a harsh reality.

I would disclose the reasons to you, but in all honesty, I don't fully know or understand the reasons, nor is this about the reasons.  I'm not trying to say someone is or isn't to blame.  I'm not trying to say I am or am not to blame.

That's not the point of this post.

The point is that though I am 3 months down the road, doing something I LOVE to do, making more money than I ever thought possible working part-time from home (and Starbucks . . . and McDonald's . . . they have free wi-fi, aren't crowded and their coffee is cheaper!)  Anyway, I digress.  I LOVE what I am doing, making great money doing it, am home with the girls except for 2.5 hours, 2 mornings a week.  Even though my outside circumstances are not remotely bleak . . .

I still struggle.  I have days that the grief and loss that I feel wash over me like a tidal wave.  I struggle to speak, to interact in a decent way with my family, to function.

I miss little things and big things.  I miss my work.  It was life-giving.  I miss helping people get connected to their calling, to community.

I miss prayer days.

I miss interacting with my co-workers that I have done life with, some for 5 years.

I miss the security guards.  They're such great people and have taught me so much about how the world perceives Christians.

From what I understand, these feelings of loss and grief are normal, and I can expect them to be like this for a long, long time.

So what do I do with these grief waves that threaten to tow me under on some days?

There is only one thing I can do.  I run to Jesus.  I run to His Word.

Proverbs 12:25 says, "Anxiety in a man's heart weighs it down, but a good word makes it glad."  I find the most incredible comfort in the Word, the Bible.  God's holy and spoken word to us.  It speaks peace and comfort over me and gives my soul rest.

All that to say, I find comfort today in this from Psalm 33, "By the word of the Lord the heavens were made, and by the breath of His mouth all their host.  He lays up the deeps in storehouses.  Let all the earth fear the Lord; Let all the inhabitants of the world stand in awe of Him.  For He spoke, and it was done.  He commanded, and it stood fast."  God's got it. And even if I don't understand, he's still in control.  Totally in control.  And I can trust this He is for me and for my good.


  1. Very well stated....we all have a path in life. While we walk this earth, we may not understand why some things happen; however, one day, we will be shown the reason. Have faith....Live it, Believe it, Achieve it!!!

  2. Very well stated....we all have a path in life. While we walk this earth, we may not understand why some things happen; however, one day, we will be shown the reason. Have faith....Live it, Believe it, Achieve it!!!

  3. I remember well that place after ministry positions I cared about (happened twice in my career). I remember counting the months, I remember the friendships we were able to salvage and the others we weren't, I remember the fight against bitterness and it's bitter root. I hurt for you and empathize.

    I also remember though how much closer I am now to my husband and girls, how valuable are the friends who pushed into us after the awkward, the miraculous provision and what that taught me about the Lord. That's the good stuff - the fruit from really painful breaks with places I loved.

    Praying the fruit will be really visible to you and that Jesus would be near giving comfort and joy and uprooting bitterness.

  4. Let's just say I recall all those feelings from many years ago. Nothing like being told you're not what we want in this position to make you feel useless, broken, and many other things. My verse after time had passed was, "you meant it for evil, buy God meant it for good. Gen. 50:20" Satan is a liar and wants you to feel useless and broken. But God takes us as we are and makes us even more beautiful and useful.

  5. I agree with Darren, very well said. Life is hard and things happen that I don't understand. The only hope we have is to run to Jesus!

    I love your honestly and that you live life out loud. Thanks Carol for being honest with your ups and downs, that's what life really consist of.

  6. I just want you to know I hear you. The line "live life out loud" was for me today. I really, really needed to hear it.

  7. I'm still here and still reading your blog and still praying for you.
    And you know my phone number if you are having one of those days.
    ~Becky J.


Thank you for reading. I look forward to hearing from you.