Those Annoying Survey Things

About once a week I get one of those "25 Things About Me" survey things where people tell us "secret" stuff about themselves. I usually, well . . . most of the time . . . I read them and then hit delete. Well I got one the other day that was quite possibly one of the funniest ones of these I have ever read. (This was copied w/o permission, so the author's name is not included. But he knows who he is.)

40 "Secrets" about yourself.
Be honest.
Answer these 40 questions. Have fun

1 - Have you ever been asked out?
I've been asked to leave. Does that count?

2 - Where was your default picture taken?
Holding cell, Third Precinct. Or so they tell me.

3 - What's your middle name?
The one between my first and last names. Duh!

4 - Your current relationship status?
A little rocky. I'm hoggin' the computer.

5 - Does your crush like you back?
Better than she likes my front.

6 - What is your current mood?
Delphic.

8 - What color shirt are you wearing?
Flesh tone.

9 - Missing something?
Yeah, my shirt.

10 - If you could go back in time and change something, what would you do?
I'd answer question three differently.

11 - If you must be an animal for one day, what animal would you be?
What day?

12 - Ever had a near death experience?
Death sat down by me at a movie once. Screamed like a girl during the scary part, jumped out of his seat and knocked my popcorn over with his sickle.

13 - Something you do a lot?
Repeat myself. Repeat myself. Repeat myself. Repeat myself. Repeat myself. Repeat myself. Repeat myself. Repeat myself. Repeat myself. Repeat myself. Repeat myself.Repeat myself. Repeat myself. Repeat myself. Repeat myself. Repeat myself. Repeat myself. Repeat myself. Repeat myself. Repeat myself. Repeat myself. Repeat myself.Repeat myself. Repeat myself. Repeat myself. Repeat myself. Repeat myself. Repeat myself. Repeat myself. Repeat myself. Repeat myself. Repeat myself. Repeat myself. (Told ya.)

14 - The song stuck in your head?
"O Fortuna" by The Clash.

15 - Who did you copy and paste this from?
Doris Kearns Goodwin. (Hahahahahahahah!)

16 - Name someone with the same birthday as you?
Me.

17 - When was the last time you cried?
When Death spilled my popcorn.

18 - Have you ever sung in front of a large audience?
Yes. Unfortunately, it was Willie Nelson's audience and I don't think he appreciated the backup vocals on "Whiskey River."

19 - If you could have one super power what would it be?
Popping the car lock with the coat hanger on the first try.

20 - What's the first thing you notice about the opposite sex?
Personality. (And the first thing they notice about me is that I'm a huge liar.)

21 - What do you usually order from Starbucks?
A Happy Meal. You should see the looks on their faces!

22 - What's your biggest secret
I'm not taking this quiz very seriously. (Don't tell!)

23 - Favorite color?
Plaid. (I have trouble with indecisiveness.)

24 - Do you still watch kiddie shows or tv shows?
Only if you count Joel Osteen.

25 - What's on your walls?
Sheetrock

26 - What are you?
The square root of sixty-two.

27 - Do you speak any other language?
No hablo nada mas Ingles. Tengo el regalo de lenguas pero no tengo el regalo de interpretation, asi es que no tengo ninguna idea que digo ahora.

28 - What's your favorite smell?
The inside of my nose. Which is a good thing.

29 - Describe your life in one word.
Word. (Doesn't work very well, but I don't think it would help if I got to use "word" a lot of times. "Word word word." Nope.)

30 - Have you ever kissed in the rain?
I've been maced while kissing. Does that count?

31 - What are you thinking about right now?
What I'm thinking about right now. The Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle makes the question unanswerable.

33 - What should you be doing?
Glen Close is a guy.

34 - Who was the last person that made you upset/angry?
Glen Close for refusing to admit he's a guy.

35 - How often do you talk to God?
Seldom, but I do follow his tweets.

36 - Do you like working in the yard?
Scotland Yard? Longest Yard? Harvard Yard?

37 - If you could have any last name in the world, what would you want?
Even if I could have any last name in the world, I think what I would want would still be a bulldog.

39 - What is your natural hair color?
See the answer to #8.

40- What do you want to be when you grow up?
Older.


All that to say, now THIS is revealing information. If we are going to fill out these things and make other people read them, they should be this entertaining!