Our Battle Is NOT With Flesh and Blood

I went to church tonight, which if you keep up with my life, is no small thing.  (Not because I'm not a church goer, but because I went to my old church, where I used to work . . . it's complicated.)

While I was there, the Pastor was talking about being "in the battle."  And I couldn't help but think that the battle is all around us.  How often do we as believers feel at odds or even persecuted by other believers and treat them as though they are on the "opposing team?'

Far too often I would venture to guess.

I know it's true of me.

While I was there, I thought about the people who had hurt me, or talked bad about me, or blah, blah, blah fill in the blank, and in the midst of those emotions, I had a very superior feeling of righteousness.

Trust me when I tell you, though, open your heart to God in the middle of HIS church, and He's not going to let you feel very superior OR righteous for long, because there is nothing righteous about those feelings.

Those feelings are born solely of unforgiveness.

And I must see the unforgiveness in myself, and forgive.  I cannot be responsible for someone else's unforgiveness.  I can (and should) attempt to be reconciled to them (if they are open to it), but holding a grudge, harboring judgement or unforgiveness . . . simply not an option.

What I should have been thinking about was the people I have hurt, or talked bad about, or treated unfairly, or judged and prayed for forgiveness.

I am not on the opposing team.  They are not on the opposing team.  For the love of Jesus, we are brothers and sisters.  We play for the same team.  There is no glory for God when we, His children, who are called by His name, are content to live at odds with one another.

As I would say to my toddlers, "That is NOT okay."

All that to say, I am grateful that God makes me painfully aware of my sin, my self-righteousness, my unforgiveness.  Grateful because it keeps me from fooling myself into believing that I am healed when I am not.  I like to think I'm good at fooling myself.  God's got my number though.  Thank God.

Day 16: Consider the Source

When I was a little girl, I had the incredible good fortune to live in the same house with my grandma, Annie Dee.  Annie Dee was a funny old lady.  She had no teeth, except for the ones she kept in a jar by her bedside.  She lived back in the day when people didn't try to "save" their teeth, they just had them pulled and got dentures.  But she didn't like the way her dentures fit, so she just kept them in a jar beside her bed for special occasions. 

One of her favorite "special occasions" was putting those teeth in when we weren't expecting it, and scaring the b'geezus out of us by smiling all vampire-like and chasing us around the house!  Like I said, she was a funny old lady. ( She used to also wet her pants every time she laughed . . . and man is she mad at me from Heaven right now!)

But in addition to being incredibly funny, she was oh so very wise.  She had a lot of sayings that were really wasted on my youth, often totally over my head, or seemingly irrelevant.  But as I grew older, I began to understand just how wise her sayings were.  I'm sure none of them are even unique to her, but the fact that she said them, and the fact that they stuck with me all my life, make them "her sayings" in my mind.

A few of her favorites were

"Pretty is as pretty does."
"Good riddance to bad rubbish."
"A mouth full of that will make anyone sick."
"I guess we'll just have to wait and see what the Lord does with this one."

and my personal favorite

"Consider the source, Sister.  Consider the source."

Consider the source means just that.  Think about the person who is speaking over you.  Is it someone you trust?  Is it a friend?  An adversary?  A wise person?  A fool? A person with a good reputation or someone of ill repute?  How likely is this person to speak truth?

I find that whenever someone says something unkind about me, something without merit, it is easy to dismiss the words if I just "consider the source."

And yet, for some reason, when the enemy speaks over me, I find it fairly easy to let those words seep in. 

Far.  Too.  Deep.

All that to say,  the next time the enemy speaks over me, I will listen to my grandma and "Consider the source, Sister.  Consider the source."

A Tidy Business Relationship

I'm home this week. A self-imposed vacation so that I don't burn out. I've learned the hard way that one must rest. That's why it's one of the big ten (Remember the Sabbath to keep it Holy). It means rest one day or you won't be holy. :) That's a loose translation.

Anyway (someone told me I say that too much when I write). Anyway. As part of my week, I have determined that I am going to try to get this prayer thing in my life straightened out. It occurred to me the other day, that even though I know that I love God and He loves me, my prayer life has become less of a meaningful time with God and more of a good daily business meeting. It usually starts off with me doing the "pleasantries" . . . "Good Morning God. You are so awesome. I worship only you because you are Lord. You made the heavens and the earth. You are in total control. I love you Lord."

If I were in a meeting with someone else this is what the equivalent would be, "Good Morning. You are really looking great today. I wish I could look that good. You are just excellent at your job. You've got it all under control. Way to Go! I love that about you."

But the problem is, I'm not IN a freakin' business meeting. So why oh why I have a reduced my relationship with God to that? I sit down with Him, do the pleasantries, then give Him the list of things I want Him to accomplish for me during the day.

So I started my week really wanting to have a different, more personal relationship with God. I wrote in my journal, "God, I have walked in fellowship with you for a long time, enjoying your presence when it suited me to do so. Oh but God, how much more have you desired from me? How you have longed for my company, but I have doled it out to you in small portions. I do love you, and my heart's desire is to please you. I think the best way for me to do that is just to truly love you, and then from that love, to love others. But maybe I don't know how to love. What if that is true? What is true God?"

I think I am just terribly distracted by the enemy. I believe that I have allowed him to shape the way I interact with God. He (the devil) knows I'm going to meet with God each morning, so over time, he has cleverly convinced me to have a "meeting" instead of a meaningful relationship-building time together. So, I asked God to show me how to fight off the enemy and his cleverness. Then I opened my Bible to Ephesians Chapter 6. No lie. Half of the chapter is about fighting the devil. So, I am reading it, and studying it.

Over the next few days, I'll share with you what I learn.

All that to say, I have thrown out the day timer that once was my prayer life. I almost feel like I'm going on a blind date.