I Like to Tell Stories

When the girls were little, pretty much from the time we got them until just a few months ago, I worked all the time.  I had a full-time job in a church.  I loved my job and the people I worked with each day.  It was a challenging job in so many ways, and fed some really great parts of me.  But it also fed some not so great parts of me.  That's truth.

I remember that I used to explain to Shannay that I had to work because my job was helping people love Jesus more.  Some mornings when I would leave for work or drop her off at the day care and she would balk (freak out is a better description, that or have a near nuclear life-shifting meltdown) I would say, "Shannay, Mommy has to go help people love Jesus more."

When I think about that now, ugh.  I'll bet that sweet little girl was thinking, "But I need you Mommy.  "I" need you to stay here with me.  "I" need you to help me not be afraid.  "I" need you to constantly remind me that my world will not ever be an evil, scary place again."

That's not really the direction I was going with this post, so let me shift back.

I used to try to explain to her what I did as my work.  Why I had to be gone all the time.  And I think on her level, she got it.  Mama had a job.  People have jobs.  Jobs help us eat and have clothes and have a place to live.  Jobs are good.

And over time, she got used to me being gone all the time.

Then life changed.  And Mama was home all the time.

At home and on her computer.

A few weeks ago I was explaining to Shannay what my job was.  (She asked me why I didn't go to work anymore.)

I explained to her that when I was on my computer, I was working.  That my work was writing. When she asked me what I was writing (which by the way EVERYONE asks), I thought about it for awhile and then I said, "Well, I guess you could say I write people's stories for them."

Yesterday, she was playing at her desk near mine and she had a pretend laptop on her desk.  When I asked her what she was doing she said, "I'm doing my job."

So I said, "What's your job, Shannay?"

She said, "I'm helping my friends tell their stories.  Just like you, Mom."

Melt.  My.  Heart.

All that to say, I'm still getting used to answering the question, "What do you do for a living?"  I still have days where I miss the interaction with other adults. But moments like yesterday make the transition so much easier.  What do I do for a living?  Well, I guess I'm helping my friends tell their stories.

Who Are You?

"I am a freelance writer."

Those words are rolling off of my tongue a little easier these days, but I still pause before I say them.

You see, I was something else for a lot of years, so my old answer is still the first answer on the tip of my tongue.  

And there is this annoying, awkward gap between the time it takes that answer to form itself on my tongue and the time it takes my heart to remind my brain that I am something different.

A gap that causes a very pregnant and sometimes awkward pause.

Also, saying you're a freelance "anything" sounds like what people say when they don't have a real job.  (Especially if I say it right after a very pregnant and awkward pause) :)

You know, 'cause in the back of my mind I'm saying, "I work from home in my jammies with a laptop."

But as I was praying this morning, and I was thinking about all of this, I realized that I keep saying I "am" this and I "was" that, as if I am somehow defined solely by my vocation.

I work as a freelance writer.  I used to work as a pastor.  Prior to that I worked as a teacher and prior to that a business executive.  But who I am at my core is the same.

I'm still Carol Jones.  Wife to Mike,  mother of four incredible kids and one god-given daughter-in-law, Jesus lover, daughter, friend, mentor, and child of the King.

I am neither a subtotal of my mistakes, nor am I solely defined by the work I do.  Those are pieces of me, certainly.  They add color and description to a beautiful tapestry that God is weaving.

All that to say, who are you?

Around the Corner

It's been 4 steady months of change here in the Jones household.  Job changes, foster babies, companies being started, companies being sold, family visitors, dietary changes, workout routines . . . the list seems endless and exhausting.

But little by little, we are finding our footing and moving forward in the direction we believe God is pointing us.

My work as a freelance writer is growing by leaps and bounds, and many new opportunities seem to be opening.  I have some very steady clients that are incredibly wonderful people doing really great things out in the world, and I feel very blessed to have their trust (as well as the income they provide!)

One new thing that is literally right around the corner (MARCH) is the launching of That Carol Jones.  It will be a comprehensive website that will be a portal, of sorts, to all different kinds of blogs, eBooks and other very interesting mind candy for you.

We are still in the planning stage of what all will be included in the launch of That Carol Jones, (and by we, I mean those of us over here at Benchmark Creative Resources).

For sure, this blog, All That To Say, will be there.
There will be a blog related to the Adoption Journey called What Color is Family.
There will be an "as yet unnamed" parenting blog.  (I'd love you to help me name this!)

And I'm toying with some fun things as well, like For the Love of Cheese and Bacon, a cooking blog about . . . well . . . cheese and bacon and who knows what else?  I'm open to suggestions!

All that to say, there's a lot going on over here at Chez Jones, and a lot coming around the corner.  Stay tuned. :)

All That to Say: Pinch Me

My grandmother used to make this cake that she first baked, cooled, frosted, the whole bit.  And then when it was all looking pretty, she'd dump it and crumble it!  Then she'd layer it with vanilla pudding and whipped cream mixed with cream cheese.  It was unbelievably good!

I remember the first time I saw her take a beautifully frosted cake and turn it upside down in a bowl.  I almost had a heart attack! But she assured me she was making something even better.  And she was right.

That's how I feel about my life right now. 

I felt very comfortable with the life I had.  I enjoyed my work, the people I worked with, my church, our friends, all of it.

And then all of that got turned upside down.  And I almost had a heart attack.  (Truth be told, I still have hard days every now and then).  There was no way that I could see the whole mess turning out okay.  But God assured me He had a better plan.

So here I am a couple months later, and I am just so amazed at everything.

Mike and I are in such a great place, marriage wise. Probably because we have more time for each other!  Maybe because our family order has returned to normal.  I don't know.  But it's awesome!

I'm writing.  For a living.  And I'm making very good money to work part-time.  From home, well technically from Starbucks.  I'm working with some people who are doing amazing work and for some reason feel like I have something to offer in the process. 

And every. single. day, I am home when my daughters get off the bus.  Every day.

And now we are getting to foster babies.  Because I'm available.  Last week we had a sweet little 4 month old boy.  And this week we are getting a 3 day old baby girl. 

All that to say, I feel like I have awakened to find that I am living the life I was created to live.  And it's pretty incredible.  Pinch me . . . yep, it's real.