You Are Not Invisible

I believe God speaks to me, really to all of us, as though we are preschoolers. He repeats Himself, over and over and over because we learn best through repetition. 

Quite some time ago, I saw Zephaniah 3:17 on a large screen during a church service.  The message in that moment was comforting, but I didn't think about it much beyond that. Later that same day, I saw it printed again, and just a few days later, I saw it stuck on a bulletin board in a friend's office.

Zephaniah 3:17

"For the Lord your God is living among you. He is a mighty savior. He will take delight in you with gladness. With his love, he will calm all your fears. He will rejoice over you with joyful songs.”

I saw this verse over, and over, and over.  So I paid attention.  I read it slower and I deeply personalized it.  

I wrote:

"Carol, your God is living among you. You aren't invisible, nor are the circumstances of your life. He is right there. He is mighty to save you. He's strong. He can handle all of this. He will take delight in you, Carol, because He adores you and you are incredibly precious to Him. With his love, he will calm all of your fears. His love is all encompassing, and it's the safest place you can go. So go. Find peace there. And when you get there, you will hear Him rejoicing over you with songs. He's singing over you. Remember when you used to sing over your children when they were little? Remember how that calmed them? They could feel how much you loved them. They felt safe. He's singing over you now, Carol."

All that to say, my Savior, He can move the mountains.

Drowning

The other day we were visiting some friends whose house backs up to a lake of sorts.  It's really more like a really, really big pond, but nonetheless, a substantial body of water.  We took a walk, my friend and I, and our two sets of 4 year old twins, down a path that eventually led to a gazebo that overlooked the lake.  Very picturesque, even with the lifeless pall of winter overshadowing the scene.

The girls, all armed with a small twig, knelt down at a small pool of water just alongside the gazebo, pretending to fish, as my friend and I talked.

And then, almost as if it were happening in slow motion, Shannay leaned ever so slightly too far in and the weight of her off-balanced body caused her to topple, head first, into the lake.  My friend moved with ninja speed (I don't actually know if ninjas are fast, but in my mind it sounded right) and rescued Shannay from the water.

The other girls thought this was delightful and laughed with glee, but Shannay didn't think it was too funny.  Once she stopped screaming, she said, "I kept draining."

I feel it important to note that at no time was she actually "draining," a fact she realized as soon as she stood up in the knee deep pool of water.  But nonetheless, a very scary thing for a 4 year old.

Today, I was thinking about her feeling like she was drowning, and as her fear overtook her, she was incapable of simply standing and taking a deep breath.  In her mind, she was actually drowning.

I understand that feeling some days.  I think I'm drowning, but in reality, if I could just look past my fear and stand up, I'd realize I'm actually okay.

All that to say, fear has a lot of power in our lives; too much power.  Funny thing is, it only has the power over us that we let it have.  So to you, Fear, I say, "I'm not draining.  I'm standing.  And I'm breathing. Boo ya."


So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10

All That to Say: Choosing Memories

Friendships, the kind that make your life better, richer, more meaningful, are one of the richest blessings that God gives us.  And sometimes they end.  They may end because someone moves away and keeping up with the friendship just gets choked out by the demands of the here and now.  Sometimes they come to an end because they developed in a certain stage of life; perhaps you worked together or your kids played on a team together, or you went to the same church, and that stage of life passes. And sometimes they explode into a mess.

No matter how a friendship ends, there is a certain amount of messiness and pain involved.  In the case of a friendship that dissolves over time and distance, there is an emptiness and a longing for what once was.  There is a guilt that comes from not being more diligent about keeping in touch.  And sometimes there can be anger because you feel like you're the only one in the friendship who is trying to keep in touch.

In the case of a season or stage of life friendship, as the friendship comes to close, there is a sense of loss.  It's almost like a slow death of a loved one.  A friendship that ends from neglect can be incredibly hurtful.

But in the case of a friendship that ends from conflict, there is an immense amount of emotional fallout.  There is anger, and bitterness, and resentment.  There can be feelings of betrayal and deep hurt.  And in the midst of these emotions, it is easy to tell yourself that your friend was never really your friend at all.

I think the enemy tortures us by convincing us we were never really loved; never really friends; that the entire relationship was a sham from the get-go.  And that is simply a lie from hell.

Friendships end.  People hurt people.  They hurt people they love.  But the end doesn't erase the sweet memories of friendship; the good times; the laughter and tears shared throughout the years; the struggles, the triumphs. 

It is sad that we humans hurt each other.  It is sad that our pain causes us to reach a place where we can no longer live in relationship with one another.  But that does not erase that we were once friends.  Real friends.

So our choice becomes to live in the darkness of hurt or move forward with great memories of a good friend.

All that to say, I think I'll choose the memories.