Day 73: The Moments

 Several years ago, I was driving down the beltway in a blinding rain, crying so hard that my chest was literally shaking from the emotion, and the only person I wanted to talk to was my husband.  Somehow, in that moment, he was the only one who could make the world feel right.

Those are the moments that keep a marriage together for 31 years. 

I can think of a million moments in our marriage when I have wanted to strangle him, or throw his clothes out the front door, or karate chop him in the face.  (I may or may not have actually played this out in my mind).

I can think of a lot of times when I have wanted to scream my head off at him.

I can even think of moments when I have wondered if I had been knocked in the head when I decided to marry him!

But then, there are those moments . . .

moments when the world tilts ever so slightly,

just enough to make me feel unstable, unsure, insecure.

And in those moments, when I reach out, trying to balance myself, or to hang on . . .

He's

Always

There.

All that to say, I really love you, Mike Jones.  (Even though I had to watch football the ENTIRE weekend, and you hog all the covers at night, and insist upon spooning when you KNOW I can't sleep like that!)  I love you because you make the world safe for me.  You really do complete me.

He's Gone

Mike left today. He was here for 8 whole days. It was a great 8 days. One of my favorite moments was one day when Mike was working on his computer. He was singing along to some random 80's song. Two things you should know about Mike. One, he really loves old Rock. 70's, 80's rock. And two, he cannot carry a tune in a bucket. He has a completely monotone singing voice. And the one tone that he sings in, is never in the key that the song is in. But something about listening to him sing was so sweet that day.

Someone asked me today where we went to eat while he was here. We went no where really. We went to some local restaurants. We didn't go out to a movie because there was nothing we reallyl wanted to see. We didn't do anything that was really "noteworthy."

Except last Wednesday night. We celebrated communion together. That was exceptional. We prayed together. He sang in his offkey voice. He cried when he served me my bread and wine (grape juice). I cried too. It was a great night.

But he's gone. Back to Atlanta. Hopefully our house will sell soon. It's been 6 months now. All that to say, I'm pretty sick of this. I don't want to move back. I still believe this is what God has for us. I'm trusting Him. I'm just ready for it to be over.

I Even Miss Cash Cab

My husband is coming to see me tomorrow. He lives in Georgia and I live in Texas. If this is your first time on this blog, I took a job here in Texas 6 months ago, thinking he was following me in a few weeks or so. But seems God had other plans. Anyway, he's coming here tomorrow and I am so happy.

Today in our staff prayer and worship time at WoodsEdge Community Church, we sang a song by Kari Jobe. The words were"I want to sit at your feet; drink from the cup in your hand; lay back against you and breathe; feel your heart beat; this love is so deep, it's more than I can stand; I melt in your peace, it's overwhelming." Even though I know this song was about God, it really expresses how much I miss my husband. And I guess because God told Mike that he was to me as Christ is to the church, then it's okay for me to think of Mike when I sing this song.

I miss him. I miss the feeling of him in the house. The weight of him in our bed. I miss his voice and the way he calls my name when he's mad at me. I miss sitting next to him and I even miss watching Cash Cab or insane reruns of Law and Order. I want to lay back against him and breathe and feel his heart beat. I love him deeply and cannot fathom my life without him in it. I do melt in his peace, the strength of who he his.

All that to say, I might be out of touch for the next few days. You won't see me online. I have better things to do. :)