If you've been reading this blog for any length of time at all, then you know that we are in the process of adopting two three year old girls, whose online identities are Nitro and Shortstack.
To even get to a place where we could say that we are "in the process of adopting" has been a very long row (and yes, row is the right word here, not road, though I suppose you could say road and it would still make sense . . . but I digress). To get to a place where we could say that we are in the process of adopting has been a journey to say the least.
There have been many times when I felt like it was the right time to start the process, but Mike wasn't as sure. And there have been an equal number of times when he felt it was the right time, but I didn't. This is the first time that we BOTH have felt certain of God's hand and timing. So here we are.
And while I am positive it is the right thing to do for the girls, it still makes my heart hurt for their birthmom because I have come to care for her and her very fragile heart. I'm certain all of the events of the next days and weeks and months will break her heart. But there are no other options if the girls' lives are to be rescued from the lifecycle they are certain to repeat if they remain in her care.
So the process begins. On September 7th, we have our first hearing. I don't really know the purpose of this hearing, but I know she will be there. I know it provides some sort of custody to us (hopefully) while we sort out the rest of the pieces of this.
Today we are expecting to meet the girls' attorney (they have one of their own, who knew?) It's for a homestudy (feels like we just had one of those . . . oh wait, we did.) I'm a little nervous about that. I cleaned like a mad woman yesterday. I'm pretty sure she isn't going to be inspecting my baseboards, but I figured a clean and fresh smelling house can't hurt!
Yesterday we had to pay to hire an attorney for the suspected birthfather. We don't even know for sure if he IS the birthfather, but we have to pay someone to represent his interests in his absence. The sad thing is that just a couple of weeks ago he was in prison. But oh, timing is everything, and now he is out and the people who need to find him can't find him, so the process says that we have to hire someone to represent his interests. Crazy. The process, I mean.
After this, I don't know what happens. But I'd love you to commit to pray for our family during all of this. For me and Mike and Zack and Jacob and Nitro and Shortstack.
All that to say, there are things that could happen that would allow this ENTIRE process to be over before Thanksgiving. We are praying for that. Would you pray too? We'd love this long row to turn into a beautiful harvest by fall.
Day 80: Bedtime
For months now we have struggled to find just the right bedtime routine for the girls. Prior to a couple of months ago, bedtime at our house was pretty much of a breeze. We read two stories, sang two songs, prayed, and laid the girls in their beds. At which point they both went promptly to sleep.
But two months ago that all changed, and the last two months have been a tremendous struggle. Shortstack has a big fit, pretty much every night, complete with throwing everything out of her bed, including pillow, blanket, stuffed animals, and sometimes even her pj's and diaper!
Nitro is sweet about the song and the prayer, but she mostly just seems to want to get into her bed. And then once we put her in the bed, she has this nightly routine of giving us a million reasons why she can't lay down.
For Shortstack, I have learned not to engage in her fit throwing. Instead, I just let her go, and then after she calms down, I go back into her room, pick her up, comfort her, give her all of her things back, and then she goes to sleep.
For Nitro, I mostly just laugh because her bedtime routine is a crack-up!
Tonight, I tried something new. I set both girls down on the bottom step of our staircase, and I talked to them about thanking God. In my grand pride, I was thinking, "Man this is going great! These girls are riveted!" And then I asked them each what they would like to thank God for. (I had modeled all the things I was thankful for first, so they were primed!)
Nitro said, "Thank you God for S." (It was so sweet. I actually teared up.) Then she said, "Thank you for trains, and snacks, and puppy, and airplanes and school buses." (Keep in mind she doesn't talk much and doesn't talk clearly, but these words were pretty clear.) I still thought her prayer was pretty cute. Then she said, "not funder."
I laughed, hard. She really doesn't like thunder.
So then it was Shortstack's turn. I expected big things from her. She's incredibly verbal. And a pretty deep thinker. She said, "Thank you God for Santa." I said, "Santa?" In my head I'm thinking, "Santa? You want to thank God for Santa?!" She persisted. "Yes, Santa. Thank you God for Santa."
I asked her if she wanted to thank God for anything else and she said yes, closed her eyes, put her hands together and said, "Thank you God for snow." SNOW? She's never even seen snow. I said, "You want to thank God for Santa and snow? Why Santa and snow?" She said, "God hides in the snow." (Clearly I have some work to do here!)
We closed by thanking God for our family. As we walked up the steps, Shortstack stopped, sat back down and said, "Thank you for my brothers. For Zack and Jacob and Tina." (She really doesn't understand Tina's role yet.)
All that to say, I love bedtime. With all of its messiness and temper tantrums and excuses not to fall asleep. We'll see if I still love it when they aren't in cribs anymore!
But two months ago that all changed, and the last two months have been a tremendous struggle. Shortstack has a big fit, pretty much every night, complete with throwing everything out of her bed, including pillow, blanket, stuffed animals, and sometimes even her pj's and diaper!
Nitro is sweet about the song and the prayer, but she mostly just seems to want to get into her bed. And then once we put her in the bed, she has this nightly routine of giving us a million reasons why she can't lay down.
For Shortstack, I have learned not to engage in her fit throwing. Instead, I just let her go, and then after she calms down, I go back into her room, pick her up, comfort her, give her all of her things back, and then she goes to sleep.
For Nitro, I mostly just laugh because her bedtime routine is a crack-up!
Tonight, I tried something new. I set both girls down on the bottom step of our staircase, and I talked to them about thanking God. In my grand pride, I was thinking, "Man this is going great! These girls are riveted!" And then I asked them each what they would like to thank God for. (I had modeled all the things I was thankful for first, so they were primed!)
Nitro said, "Thank you God for S." (It was so sweet. I actually teared up.) Then she said, "Thank you for trains, and snacks, and puppy, and airplanes and school buses." (Keep in mind she doesn't talk much and doesn't talk clearly, but these words were pretty clear.) I still thought her prayer was pretty cute. Then she said, "not funder."
I laughed, hard. She really doesn't like thunder.
So then it was Shortstack's turn. I expected big things from her. She's incredibly verbal. And a pretty deep thinker. She said, "Thank you God for Santa." I said, "Santa?" In my head I'm thinking, "Santa? You want to thank God for Santa?!" She persisted. "Yes, Santa. Thank you God for Santa."
I asked her if she wanted to thank God for anything else and she said yes, closed her eyes, put her hands together and said, "Thank you God for snow." SNOW? She's never even seen snow. I said, "You want to thank God for Santa and snow? Why Santa and snow?" She said, "God hides in the snow." (Clearly I have some work to do here!)
We closed by thanking God for our family. As we walked up the steps, Shortstack stopped, sat back down and said, "Thank you for my brothers. For Zack and Jacob and Tina." (She really doesn't understand Tina's role yet.)
All that to say, I love bedtime. With all of its messiness and temper tantrums and excuses not to fall asleep. We'll see if I still love it when they aren't in cribs anymore!
Day 79: Surrender
I may have mentioned a few times that I am reading a book called, "Jesus Calling." It is a journal by Sarah Young, written to herself as though God is speaking to her.
Throughout her book, I am finding a pattern. "Seek the presence of God, and then dwell in it." Get that right, and everything else falls into place. Notice I did not say, get that right and everything will be easy in your life.
And, as I have been reading my Bible, I am seeing a pattern in the portions of Scripture I am reading. That pattern is, "Wait on the Lord."
And as I have been listening to God during my time alone with Him I am hearing these words over and over and over. "Trust Me, Carol."
Seek His presence and dwell in it, wait on Him, and Trust Him. That's really all I'm supposed to do.
Funny how much longer my list is of what I think I should be doing. In my mind I should be coming up with a plan B (for a lot of things in my life right now). In my mind I should be busy. My body should be busy, my mind should be busy, my heart should be busy, my soul should be busy.
And so I fret, and I worry, and I calculate, and I seek advice from far too many people, and I talk when I should be silent, and I do everything I possibly can to keep myself busy, because THAT'S what I know how to do best.
Oh, but how opposite are the plans of the Lord. Seek His Presence and dwell in it. Wait on Him. Trust Him.
"Many are the plans in a Man's heart, but it is the purpose of the Lord that prevails." Proverbs 19:21 Imagine if I surrendered myself to that one scripture. Imagine if I just lived in that.
All that to say, I wonder why surrender is so difficult when God's plans sound so peaceful and mine sound so . . . well . . . busy?
Throughout her book, I am finding a pattern. "Seek the presence of God, and then dwell in it." Get that right, and everything else falls into place. Notice I did not say, get that right and everything will be easy in your life.
And, as I have been reading my Bible, I am seeing a pattern in the portions of Scripture I am reading. That pattern is, "Wait on the Lord."
And as I have been listening to God during my time alone with Him I am hearing these words over and over and over. "Trust Me, Carol."
Seek His presence and dwell in it, wait on Him, and Trust Him. That's really all I'm supposed to do.
Funny how much longer my list is of what I think I should be doing. In my mind I should be coming up with a plan B (for a lot of things in my life right now). In my mind I should be busy. My body should be busy, my mind should be busy, my heart should be busy, my soul should be busy.
And so I fret, and I worry, and I calculate, and I seek advice from far too many people, and I talk when I should be silent, and I do everything I possibly can to keep myself busy, because THAT'S what I know how to do best.
Oh, but how opposite are the plans of the Lord. Seek His Presence and dwell in it. Wait on Him. Trust Him.
"Many are the plans in a Man's heart, but it is the purpose of the Lord that prevails." Proverbs 19:21 Imagine if I surrendered myself to that one scripture. Imagine if I just lived in that.
All that to say, I wonder why surrender is so difficult when God's plans sound so peaceful and mine sound so . . . well . . . busy?
Day 78: Plans
Today was "Meet the Teacher" day. It's funny even typing that, as I can promise you that "Meet the Teacher" day is something I NEVER imagined I would experience again.
As the thought of "Meet the Teacher" day passed through my brain, it brought with it all the other things we never thought we'd experience again. Lunch money, and spelling tests, and school dances, and allowances, and curfews, and teenage drivers, and on and on and on the list goes.
The plans I had for this stage of my life most assuredly never included diapers or tantrums or pediatricians or meet the teacher days. Had my plans prevailed though, I would have missed bedtime stories and sweet baby kisses and playing dress up and dancing like a ballerina. I would have missed the chance to watch two sweet baby girls grow into the beautiful godly women they will someday become.
Proverbs 19:21 says, "Many are the plans of a man's heart, but it's the Lord's purpose that prevails."
All that to say, my plans are never as beautiful as His.
As the thought of "Meet the Teacher" day passed through my brain, it brought with it all the other things we never thought we'd experience again. Lunch money, and spelling tests, and school dances, and allowances, and curfews, and teenage drivers, and on and on and on the list goes.
The plans I had for this stage of my life most assuredly never included diapers or tantrums or pediatricians or meet the teacher days. Had my plans prevailed though, I would have missed bedtime stories and sweet baby kisses and playing dress up and dancing like a ballerina. I would have missed the chance to watch two sweet baby girls grow into the beautiful godly women they will someday become.
Proverbs 19:21 says, "Many are the plans of a man's heart, but it's the Lord's purpose that prevails."
All that to say, my plans are never as beautiful as His.
Day 77: Happy Birthday
They are three. Their birthday has come and gone, and they are officially three. If you ask them, they'll hold up three fingers (with a great amount of effort on their part) and they will tell you, "I three." Only it comes out sounding a lot more like "I free." And to that, I say, "Yes, babies, you are."
All that to say, Happy Birthday my babies.
Day 76: GULP
I have been noticeably absent in blog land for quite some time. In part, because I have had so much to say, but could say very little, and in part because I wasn't sure what I would say, if I could say anything.
Many of you have followed our journey with the girls for quite some time now. From the very early days when we had them in our home, and then relinquished them into the care of another; to the day when they came back to live in our home again.
Throughout this journey you have been an encouragement to us. Your words, so filled with life-giving encouragement have often come on days that seemed the darkest.
On Friday, we officially asked the court system to allow us the opportunity to adopt the girls. (How's that for an artistic segue?)
All that to say, gulp.
Day 75: That Carol Jones
Wow. Has it really been so long since my last post? It's astounding that anyone still reads this blog anymore!
I have not blogged because there is something fairly significant happening in our life, and I am just not at liberty to discuss it. And I know that is incredibly vague, and I hate it when people are vague, so I'm sure you will hate it as well.
But that's why I haven't blogged. Because anything I would have normally blogged about has been eclisped by . . . well, I can't say.
All that to say, I'll work on something clever and creative to say in the next few days. Some great anecdote that will make you laugh out loud and say, "that carol jones!"
I have not blogged because there is something fairly significant happening in our life, and I am just not at liberty to discuss it. And I know that is incredibly vague, and I hate it when people are vague, so I'm sure you will hate it as well.
But that's why I haven't blogged. Because anything I would have normally blogged about has been eclisped by . . . well, I can't say.
All that to say, I'll work on something clever and creative to say in the next few days. Some great anecdote that will make you laugh out loud and say, "that carol jones!"
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