Day Four: My Job Smells

I am very fortunate to love my job. I know that lots of people have to get up and go to work at a place where they don't love their jobs; so I feel especially blessed to say that I wake up ALMOST every morning, looking forward to going to work. Perhaps what makes the experience so great is the team of people I get to do life with 5 or 6 days a week.

I don't work a single day that I don't laugh, that I don't feel challenged to be better, that I don't have to think about decisions I make, and that I don't get to impact someone's life. It might be easy to chalk all of that up to working in a chuch, but trust me, I've worked in some churches and the only thing I looked forward to was going home each day. Something is different about this team of people.

Before I go on, I want to issue a disclaimer to people that I have worked with in the past that I love, that I have formed cherished friendships with, that I loved working alongside, and say to you that though the circumstances under which we worked together might have been different, I love you the same.

As I was thinking yesterday about what makes this team so different, I realized that it's our leader. He runs zealously after God in a way I have never seen anyone run after God. You can tell it's true because he smells like God. He is gentle, and humble, and a warrior for God's people. He calls us to pray over our decisions, over our days, over our families, over our ministries, over opportunities lost. He calls us to confess, and to rejoice, and to beg, and to expect great things, and he asks us often to do those things publically.



Our weekly "Staff Meeting" is one hour of prayer and worship together. Once every three months, we all go off together and spend an entire day in prayer. That might sound like a long day to you, it sounded long to me too in the beginning, but it flies by. We are challenged to take our own personal prayer retreats regularly.

We are a family. We fight. We get upset with each other. We call each other names (usually to our faces). But we also defend one another. We give one another the benefit of the doubt. And we pray for one another.

All that to say, my job smells like God. And I like that.

Day Three: Married Well

I married well. I don't always remember that, but today it is very clear in my mind, so I'm saying it, "I married well." Yesterday, I was with a group of people and we were praying for our families. When I talked about Mike, I said, "One of the things I love about my husband is that he is a very dedicated and committed person.

I'm not totally sure that dedicated and committed really even describe this character trait well. If Mike says he is going to do something, he is going to do it. Sometimes this can be bothersome, like when I say, "Let's run at 9:30 in the morning" and at 9:29 he is standing in front of me fully decked out in running gear and I am still in my jammies. But most of the time it is an amazing quality to have in a husband, and one I deeply admire.

At the moment, he lives a daily difficult situation. I cannot really go into it, but just trust me that almost every day of his life he is faced with a very difficult situation that he must endure. But he does so much more than endure it. He endures it with grace; grace for the situation, grace for the people, grace for the tirades, grace. And he endures it because he is steadfast. He doesn't waver easily. In his mind, there are far worse things to endure than what he faces, so he goes about it with a kindness that inspires me.

I love knowing that my husband is dedicated and committed. It makes me love him more, trust him unequivocably, and respect him deeply. Now don't go thinking that he's perfect, ladies, he's not. But he's close. And I love him for the hundreds of things he gets right.

All that to say, I married well.

Day Two: Presence

We have a new puppy. Technically, Jacob has a new puppy. It's actually a good deal for all of us, because we get all the benefits of having a puppy, but he's Jacob's responsibility. Now THAT'S a turn of events for sure. When the kids were little "we" had a puppy, but "they" got all of the benefits and "we" did all of the work. But now Jacob scoops the poop, takes him out for his 3:00 a.m. potty needs, feeds him, takes him to the vet . . . and we, we play with him.

The thing is, Sawyer, (that's his name)is most assuredly Jacob's pet, and Jacob is most assuredly Sawyer's boy. He follows Jacob everywhere! He HAS to be in the same room with Jacob no matter where that room is. If Jacob lays down, Sawyer lays down right next to him, or as close as he can get. As long as he's with Jacob, he's content.

I watched them playing last night, and it made me think of God. (I know, I'm spiritualizing a dog!) But watching Sawyer follow Jacob around made me think of God and how I used to long for His presence. And it made me wonder when I lost that. I am with Him everyday, but I am not content to just be with Him. I need His undivided attention. I need Him to be talking to me every second that I am with Him. I need Him to make sure I know that He is listening to me. I am no longer just content to be in His presence. And I miss that.

All that to say, I miss just sitting as His feet. I miss just being content to feel the warmth of Him, the peace that emanates from Him, the comfort that comes from just being near. The comfort of presence.

Day One: Learn Something New

I took a photography class on Friday from my good friend, Shauna Maness. I used to be a "learner" meaning that I tried to learn something new all the time. Seems like work and life have gotten the best of me and all I seem to learn lately are things about myself that I either don't like, or that other's don't like, or that God doesn't like and I should change. I guess that's still learning, and good learning at that.

But I mean I used to learn new skills all the time. I learned how to knit. I learned how to crochet (I was HORRIBLE at it!). I learned how to quilt. I learned sign language. I learned some Spanish, but not really enough to be functional. I learned how to play c,d,g & e on the guitar so I could play songs to my first graders when I taught first grade. I have missed learning new things. And I have wanted to take a photography class for a long time, so I FINALLY took one!

During the class, we started talking about what we do to be creative, do we scrapbook (oh yeah, I learned that too), do we sing, paint, draw, etc. And Shauna mentioned that I catalog life by writing. I guess I never thought of it in those terms, but I suppose that is what I do. As part of the conversation, she mentioned something about a 365 day journal, a blog of life, that incorporates something from each day in pictures.

I suppose a 365 day journal would make a lot more sense starting it on January 1st, but that has come and gone, so instead, I am starting it on January 10, 2010. A 365 day journal of life and memories and photographs and lessons learned.

All that to say, I have never blogged 365 days in a row. We'll have to see how it goes. Stay tuned.

Good Morning 2010

Good Morning 2010. (In my head that sounded a lot like Robin Williams saying "Good Morning Vietnam.") I, for one, am glad that it is 2010. A new year. A new beginning. Lots of new beginnings. Who knows what will happen this year? What new circumstances life will bring? What joys? What heartaches? What comfort? What pain? It's all waiting out there, just waiting to give birth to our new lives. As is customary, I like to start out a new year with some thoughts on what I would like to change about myself. Some call these resolutions. I think the "resolve" part came last year, as a part of some hard lessons I had to learn. But I think coming to a place where I am resolved to accept certain truths about me have allowed me to be ready to change them.

In 2009, I learned that contrary to what I think, I am not in control of just about anything. I still want to be in control. The urge to control has not left me. But I have built in some behavior modifications, a gut check if you will, that helps me avoid the controlling. Being a control freak is not easy people. It's not all fun and games, so letting go of that has not been easy either. God has taught me some amazing things along the way of releasing my controlling ways though. Some of the lessons were not so fun. But they were all rewarding. In 2010, I am resolved to continue learning to let go. I am resolved to allow God to be in control (isn't that big of me?)instead of thinking that I am, and instead of thinking that I in any way have the power to control life and life's unpleasantness. I am resolved to allow people to make their own mistakes. I am resolved to give advice when asked, only. And I am resolved to seek, ask, knock. Because that's where I will find the strength to relinquish control.

In 2009, I learned that I will always be a mother to my children no matter how old they get. This, however, does not give me the supreme right to "parent" them for the rest of their lives, however badly I might want to. In 2010, I am resolved to finding the balance between helping my children make the transition into adulthood, and BACKING OFF! :) I am an adult, and God still parents me, but He also gives me a pretty wide berth to learn from my mistakes.

In 2009, I learned that I cannot eat whatever I want, though exercising like a mad woman, and expect to find good health. It just doesn't happen that way. I can't work 60 hour weeks, nor am I expected to. I can't obsess over the little things in life. In 2010, I am resolved to make healthier life choices. I will eat better, exercise well, rest, take vacations, love my husband, read good books (and probably some awful ones) and be better at releasing people from the debts I think they owe me. Even the ones who are still making me mad as of today! (Obviously have a lot of work to do here.)

In 2009, I learned that good friends are hard to come by. I learned that sometimes friends aren't who you think they are, and friendships aren't what you thought they were, but that the richness of the friendship you shared, for the time you shared it, is still good, and you can still cherish those memories. In 2010, I am resolved to enjoy my friends, for the time God has given them to me. I am resolved to make sure I have done all I personally can to practice forgiveness with fractured friendships, and then be content to allow God's timing in restoration. No more obsessing about such things!

In 2009, I learned that no matter how badly you want something for someone else, they have to make their own decisions. In 2010, I am resolved to pray for my sons, that they will make choices for their lives that they have bathed in prayer. I am resolved to let prayer be my parenting style! (Seems like this is a combination of my control and parenting resolutions!)

All that to say, I am looking forward to 2010 and all the ways I will see God work in it. Good Morning 2010.

Ripe with Promise and Possibility

This is officially the last post of 2009. 2010 is just a few hours away, ripe with possibility and promise. A lot can happen in 365 days. A lot can happen.

On the home front, we moved again in 2009, making this, the "Kenross House," our 5th residence in two years. But we only moved once in 2009, so it seems things might be slowing down. Our house in Georgia never sold, but we did finally get it leased, which reduced a little bit of our stress. We moved a bit of our furniture here with us to the Kenross House. Something about sitting on your own couch makes life feel better. :)

Here is a 2009 family recap in no particular order: move, move, get a job, quit a job, find love, graduate from college, lose love, move, get a job, get a job, look for work, love my work, make new friends, lose friendships, get sick, get well, lose loved ones, grow increasingly closer to God, discover new talents, start a non-profit, celebrate birthdays, and love one another like never before.

All that to say, 2009 was a crazy year. But 2010 is just around the corner. Who knows what will happen? It is ripe with promise and possibility.

It Feels a Lot Like Limbo

The week between Christmas and New Years is my least favorite time of the year. For some reason, it feels a lot like limbo. Not the going down backwards under a stick kind of limbo, but the hanging out in one place with no sign of a future direction kind of limbo.

Christmas and all of its rush has gone away, all of its tender emotion has faded, people already seem more jaded, more ready to just get on with life. And yet the new year is just around the corner, filled with promise and waiting for us to catch up.

So for one in-between week, we twiddle our thumbs. Some of us go back to our jobs, but some of us don't. Some of us de-Christmasize the house, some of us don't. Some of us return our Christmas gifts and buy decorations for next year, some of us don't. And a select few of us might be thinking about new year's resolutions like dieting, or quitting some bad habit. But as we wait for the new year to arrive, we over-indulge in those things that we know we are about to give up.

I'd like to think of a better way to spend this week. It's a time-out. How often do we get a time out? How often do we take a time out when it's given. Instead of feeling like I'm waiting to exhale, I'm going to breathe in and out very slowly, very deeply, for the next several days. I'm going to sit at the feet of Jesus, converse with Him over a delicious cup of Ethiopian coffee, and learn to enjoy limbo week.

All that to say, "Let us come before His presence with thanksgiving" and yummy coffee, and a calm heart, and soak in His goodness.